exit, pursued by a bear

  • Sep. 29th, 2010 at 5:29 PM
femmealunettes: (leave no man behind. : Peter/Neal)
I just did the first day of the Couch to 5K running program with Patrick. The program goes for 30 minutes. I made it 20 before I literally could not make my legs run any more. And that's six minutes walking, one minute running, three minutes walking, one minute running.

I am so ridiculously out of shape.

Luckily I have a good self-image so I'm not beating myself up about it, and I have a boyfriend who obviously finds me sexually desirable so I'm not falling into the pit of "nobody will ever want me", so... it's good? I'm gasping like a landed fish and my legs hurt like almighty fuck, but I know I will run farther next time than I did this time, and by the time we finish this program I will be able to run for half an hour, and I am not going to give up. For one thing, Patrick won't let me, and for another, I know it'll be good for me to do it. Plus, it'll be one more thing I can check off my list of 101 things.

And on the topic of good things and my boyfriend, fall break is coming up quick, and Patrick and I are going to go to NYC and visit his aunt. I haven't let my parents know about this plan yet, not because I'm hiding it from them but because the plan is still in the formative phase. I actually haven't told them I'm dating Patrick yet, although I'm sure my father saw my updated Facebook status. xD It hasn't been a week yet, I'll get around to telling them eventually. I'll probably call them tonight while putting off studying for my Mass Media test tomorrow.

Now, I am going to go stand in the shower until my muscles stop wailing in agony. Because I hurt all over right now.
femmealunettes: (only the things you want to happen:WTWTA)
I have Darling Clementine stuck in my head. I love the fruit, but this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I EAT ONE and it's really incredibly irritating.

Today I hit the ten hour mark on Wii Fit and my time piggybank turned bronze. I liked the old color! Oh well. I'm really put out by the fact that I didn't splurge over Thanksgiving really, I only had one small slice of my mother's delicious cheesecake and two small slices of pumpkin pie over the entire life span of those desserts, and I am still back up to 173.

I know that day to day fluctuations mean weighing yourself daily isn't a reasonable thing to do, but dammit, for two shining days I was 169 and it felt awesome.

This is silly and vain, but when I go back to Plattsburgh, I want people to tell me I look amazing. I know for damn sure I am not better off in Auburn, but I can at least look better.


In news that is better for my future and more positive all around, today Lisa told me that there's some program that helps people with mental illnesses pay for college-- so even though I won't be getting the Salvation Army scholarship any more, I could still get my bachelor's degree without taking out any more loans. This is awesome news. I would have to transfer, probably to a SUNY school, because I can't go any further at the community college. I could go back to Plattsburgh and do it right instead of fucking it all up like I did the first time. I'm never going to see the inside of the Honors center again, but who gives a damn about that? I could have Dr. Shuttleworth for a teacher!

Brief trip into the past: Spring 2004, I was so ridiculously depressed, I stopped going to classes, chopped off all my hair and dyed the rest black, had about eight different plans to kill myself, was in a really bad way in general. Finally I went to the health center and got set up to talk to a psychiatrist. That was Dr. Shuttleworth, and she was the best thing about the last month of that term. She kept me from flunking out entirely, set me up with a shrink outside of the college, and pretty much made my life bearable again.

The thought of being able to learn from her is like, the most academically exciting proposition I've had in years. I am more psyched about even the possibility of having her for a teacher than I am about getting my associate's.

I just... have to not fuck it up, basically. I know this is all really up in the air, but it's not just a daydream, I could make this happen for real.


Wow, this post really took a turn for the serious. And I still have that fucking song stuck in my head. Quick, someone tell me a joke!

fun and games

  • Nov. 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 PM
femmealunettes: (*doin' my exercise thing*)
Today, my Wii Fit told me that I weigh 170 pounds.

This is two pounds heavier than my goal for later this week, but still: 170 is good! I'll probably blow it all on Thanksgiving, but if I hit the gym Monday and Tuesday and put in an hour instead of half an hour of aerobic stuff on Wednesday, I might actually make the goal!

Seriously guys, Wii Fit. Best $90 I've spent in a while.

I know some of you have it too. Talk to me about it! What's your favorite things to do? I have been doing rhythm boxing like it's my job. I like doing the tightrope walking and Super Hula Hoop too. I suck at most of the balance games though. I have never successfully gone through the whole bubble course.

Do you have a My Routine set up? I do, I go through all the yoga poses minus a couple of the advanced ones, plus lunges, which I hate so hard but my legs need work so I do them anyway. It gives me my 30 minutes every day if that's all I do, but I try to at least do one aerobic thing on top of it.

Do you ever talk back to the trainers? I definitely do, and my sister thinks I'm a lunatic for doing it. Sometimes I talk to the little balance board on the screen too. Shut up, this is the closest I get to human interaction besides my family. xD

If you have Wii Fit Plus, do you have your pets loaded on, too? I have my cats, but not the dogs. Oreo growls and gets pissy whenever I try to weigh her so I've only done it twice. Butcher tries to run away but I've got him a few times. :D They don't weigh that much different, which is weird because Oreo's a little butterball and Butcher's just looooooong. I got my mom to make a Mii and set up a profile, but she never uses it. Julia set up hers before I did but she never uses it either. it's all me and whatever cat I can catch. xD


I have had a headache for the past two days. I don't know if it's a side effect or just a headache. It's not like a migraine, it's not stabbity painful, it just hurts. Hopefully it's just dehydration. I'm trying to drink more water. It's hard to remember to do that, though.

I tried to negotiate with my parents so Julia and I could go to Plattsburgh after Thanksgiving, but they won't let us take a van. I really, really very badly want to go back and see everyone. It's not like, crippling loneliness or anything, it's just things are not going well for everyone and I want to be there and-- this is probably going to sound self-important, but I want to give them back the sounding board I always was. I'm good at listening. I'm good at giving advice or just helpful suggestions or even just hugs if that's all I can do. And people need the hugs at the very least, from what I'm hearing.

Plus, I just plain miss my brother. He's crunching down on his studies to make sure he gets through all his classes. He's going to graduate in a couple of weeks. I know I've talked about this before, how my little brother is going to graduate before me, and usually it's in a "how stupid am I" context, but I am really proud of him. He's a good person and I miss being around him. The summer of 08 wasn't the best of times, but it was pretty good whenever he was around.

So... yeah, that's pretty much what's on my mind today. My legs hurt from those goddamn lunges, and I wish I could be there for my friends in a more present sense than texting or Facebook or whatever. But I'm still feeling pretty happy despite those things. I'm ready for the end of the semester to come. My head is set.

my legs are like noodles

  • Nov. 9th, 2009 at 2:14 PM
femmealunettes: (waiting on the world to change: Raj:TBBT)
The psych test was not in the academic support center, which either means it's tomorrow or I have to talk to Dr. Sanzotta directly about taking it. That means I have time for a quick nap before Forensics, though!

Something scary happened today when I went to work out. All of the treadmills were taken. I had to hop on an elliptical for almost ten minutes and let me tell you internets, my legs are not happy with that turn of events. Luckily someone vacated a treadmill around my ten minute mark and I finished up my 45 minutes almost exactly to the minute.

I am almost done with Superfreakonomics, which I started last night after I finished Dead Until Dawn, which I really enjoyed. The next book on my list: the most recent Dexter novel. After that, I think I'm going to dip back to the fantasy side of things and finally get to the Dragon's Milk books that [livejournal.com profile] moorishflower gave me for my birthday. It's good to have a plan. xD

Wednesday is my practical exam on plants for Botany. I am pretty confident that I can identify anything he throws at us by the common name, and pretty sure that I am going to completely bomb out on knowing the scientific nomenclature for everything except poison ivy (because he drilled Toxicodendron radicans into our heads from day one). We'll see how it goes.

Sometimes I wish I had a personal photographer. I look totally cute today (well, except for my hair) and I really can't capture the sweetness of my outfit with arm's-length self-photography. xD And it's way too weird to ask my little sister to take pictures of me. Oh well. Trust me on this, guys, I am rocking the Raj look, and when I say rocking I mean like whoa.

we put LSD in the eggs

  • Nov. 6th, 2009 at 11:20 PM
femmealunettes: (stupid human tricks : Sheldon : TBBT)
Damn, you guys, it has only been like five hours and already I am on the verge of needing to buy another box of cards! I am pleased with the adorability of the ones I found at the Hallmark store. This might be the first year I'm not sending out primarily funny cards. Cuteness FTW!

By the way, for those who might need this info: it is 75 cents to mail a letter to Canada from the US, and 98 cents to mail to Australia. THE MORE YOU KNOW. *rainbows*

The Men Who Stare At Goats was pretty funny. Disjointed as all hell, but funny! And it was a little bit jarring to have them keep talking about Jedi when Ewan MacGregor is, uh, the mighty Obi-Wan himself. But I liked it a lot, and George Clooney is one of the rare men I will accept as equally attractive with facial hair.

I wonder if I could bring my Wii in to school, hook it up, and show the gym teachers that I have, in fact, been doing 45 minutes of exercise a day, just not where they want me to do it. I could be almost done with the requirements if they'd let me add on my home days. It's just... not as much fun to walk on a treadmill as it is to pretend I am an awesome boxer or a person with the skills to really hula hoop or a tightrope walker or whatever else. xD

I have a new resolution: any time I want to make a whiny, depressed LJ post, I'm going to go do ten minutes on Wii Fit instead. (not on Okami, because... jesus christ, I AM DRAWING A STRAIGHT LINE, CUT ME A BREAK ALREADY AND STOP MAKING ME DO IT EIGHT MILLION TIMES, EVIL GAME) I am actually already showing an improvement in my weight.. slight, but it's there, and any little bit makes me happy.

....this icon makes me so ridiculously giggly. I got in my second season BBT DVDs today, but I am not letting myself watch the gag reel until I am caught up on botany. Hacking my own productivity is fun. Kind of. Back to doing cards now!

it comes with a coin purse!

  • Nov. 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 PM
femmealunettes: (*happy hugs!* : TBBT)
Yay, Big Bang Theory made me giggle like a schoolgirl. :D Epic bromance is epic.

I am really getting good about following my Wii Fit, and that makes me happy. I went to the school gym today and did 45 minutes on the treadmill, and I just did my 30 minutes of yoga-hula hoop-boxing, and I think I'm starting to see where people are coming from when they say exercise makes you feel better.

...of course, part of my feeling good is the affirmation that I am the only person to hold a perfect 100 in Sam VanDee's forensics course. It's always nice to have someone tell you that you're awesome. :D

And having my schedule all set for next semester is.... kind of scary in that, I have literally done nothing except be a student my entire life and soon I'm not going to be a student any more. The real world is scary and I want no part of it.... but since I, you know, live in it, I know I have to suck it up and be an adult eventually. And it's a good schedule. My Sundays are going to be busy, but every other day is easy-peasy.

...wow, really, I should feel this good after I work out every time, I would never skip a day. Now I just need my sister to get her ass out of the tub so I can shower and go to sleep and wake up for my psych classes which, oh god, tests in both of them on Thursday, I really need to ask someone to copy their notes from the past few lectures. But I'm not stressed about them. I got this.

keep your electric eye on me

  • Sep. 7th, 2009 at 12:57 PM
femmealunettes: (lip service : McCoy/Spock)
12 hours of sleep should have me reset to some sort of default emotional state. My dreams were hazy but not unpleasant, I think I was some kind of Project Mayhem-style space monkey.

Now I'm going to the Carousel Mall with my whole family as far as I know, which is a pretty rare event. Usually it's one parent and the sisters. I could be wrong, but considering today is ~school shopping~ I wouldn't be surprised if one went along just to handle Rachael, lol.

School shopping. Yeah. I'm planning on losing weight (that gym class better be good for something) so I really shouldn't get any clothes, but I do need a winter coat and it's not a big deal if that's a little big by the end of winter. Plus, rubber boots, but I'm not sure if/where to get those in the mall. I'll be back once I get my financial aid, and that's five weeks to make some progress on the weight loss front.

Right now, I'm a size 16 in pants, a 38DD in bras, and I haven't tried on a dress measured in numbers since I thought I was going to be in a wedding party, which was a LONG time ago, so I don't even know for that. Ideally, I would like to wear size 12 pants by Christmastime. So that's my goal. (And I know it's unhealthy or whatever, but yesterday I looked at my legs and said "omg so UGLY," and hey, that's incentive more than self-derision, right?)


Thank you to everyone for your kind words last night. I guess things I could do while on one sort of meds, I can't do on another. Still learning the limits with my new pill, and either Geodon doesn't like missing sleep, or I'm just too old for that shit any more. (oh god I'm only 24 am I really too old to miss a night's sleep?) I'm just... not going to try that again, no matter what neurotic reason I have for not wanting to go to bed.

Aight, mall time. Peace out, popcorn boxes.

work it, girl.

  • Sep. 4th, 2009 at 1:58 PM
femmealunettes: (don't give away your heart : Mohinder)
Well. Today I found out that my body is 33% fat. Clearly, the only reasonable reaction was to come home and eat an ice cream cone.

...no, okay, I worked out for 50 minutes! I didn't just stick dessert in my face, all right? I got some cardio in. I'm thinking, two days a week I'll do treadmill/elliptical/bike, and the third day I'll work on the machines and target actual muscles. Mostly the ones in my butt, lol.

I finally watched a preview for season 4 of Heroes. I avoided them all summer because I know I can't keep my enthusiasm up over months and months, but I can cope with waiting a couple weeks, and it's looking pretty exciting now that I'm letting myself give a damn!

12 geeky cocktails. I could totally slam a few Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. :3

No one is home, it's so nice and quiet... time for that bath I've been promising myself, I think. \o/

through the dark turns and noise

  • Mar. 4th, 2009 at 9:37 PM
femmealunettes: (mountain tree warrior : yoga)
One hour of pilates = several hours of pain. Owwww. My muscles are sore from the back of my neck to my ankles. D:

memes. )

Got exactly one thing on my to-do list done... whatever, it's not like I have anything else to take up my time. x.x

Oh, except now that I have a membership to the Y, I can go do a class every day. There's yoga two nights a week, tai chi in the afternoons on alternate days... I'm just sad the only Hatha Yoga class is at 9am on Saturday. noooooo way.

I'm so damn exhausted, I can't keep my eyes open long enough to follow a short fic. v.v

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