no one hears you in this room...

  • Jul. 6th, 2007 at 12:02 AM
femmealunettes: (gay for pay : Gabe and Pete)
My room is.... like, clean. Not entirely clean, just like clean, but it's significantly better than it was. Sadly, I can't seem to keep both desk and room clean. It's a one-or-the-other thing. xD;

I spent the day, aside from cleaning, playing Peggle (oh snap, I beat the game within 18 hours of getting it!) and playing with the cat and downloading Midtown albums. It's pretty cool hearing Gabe Saporta's voice develop as the album release dates get later. Living Well Is The Best Revenge is a good album, but I think I like Forget What You Know best.

Every time my parents call and ask how we're doing I lie a little more. "Can you make rent this month?" Not on our own, mom, but you don't need to know that. Once I get this job, once the pills even out instead of freaking me out more (how funny is it that a side effect of an anti-anxiety medication is panic attacks? I vote HILARIOUS except not), once I quit my bad habits, once I grow up. I'll be okay, mom. But I don't say that, I just say "Yeah, everything's fine," talk about the kitten and the rumors my sister passed on, tell her I'll talk to my brother about visiting them.

I don't even know what's going on any more. Next weekend Derek was talking about whisking me away to Boston, just to prove there's still a Masshole somewhere in me. I can't pull the accent out any more, but culture reaches beyond dialect, and I argued that point for a long time. The boy is a piece of work. Sometimes it's more like dating a scientific theory or a political movement than a 25 year old with a fucked up, half-Rhode-Island, half-Quebequois accent. He talks in circles that I can't refute, I get too dizzy trying to follow them.

He told me that he's planning on moving back to Boston as soon as he graduates, and he said I should think about coming with him. All I could do was laugh when he said that. What kind of guy asks you to leave everything you know without even saying "I love you" first?

I don't know. Maybe we're too different. I've been waiting so long only to find out that we're total opposites. He's social, I'm a homebody. He's outspoken, arrogant, certain; I'm placid, self-conscious, moody. He thinks about the future all the time; I live in the present when I can manage to get my head out of the past. I'm emotions, sweetness, the moon; he's facts and figures, plans, sunlight shining in your eyes despite shade.

I'm a poet, and the trouble with poets is that no matter what else they are they'll never stop with the metaphors, the allusions, the only ways we know to get our points across. But the trouble with being a poet is that the world isn't kind to roundabout words and comparisons, that for every poet there's a planner who doesn't get words any more than a poet gets charts and lines and numbers.

I'm not giving up, it's just... everything is harder than I think it is. And I'm not hard. I'm about as soft as they come.

Anyway, that was a tangent. Next weekend Derek might be taking me away, might not. My birthday's in two weeks exactly, then the weekend after my parents want my brother and I to come to Auburn and see them. So I have to convince some people to come with, or just go with Dennis and see how that turns out. And then it'll almost be August, and I can only hope that I'll be past the desperation and the freaking out and the rest of this bullshit that defined June and doesn't seem to be abating in July.

I'm looking for my heart, I don't think it's in anything. If found please return to the spot in my chest where all my hope and ambition and obsession used to be.
femmealunettes: (getting out of here : Patrick)
Having the litterbox in close proximity to my computer was a bad idea. Cat poop smells so damn bad. Striking a couple matches and lighting a candle hopefully will work, because I don't feel like losing my pills, that's all I've eaten.

I'm re-registering to vote, since I moved. I just realized that my polling place is probably going to be city hall or something. :o I'm sort of unreasonably thrilled by that.

Yesterday I had a fairly big talk with my gentleman friend conducted almost entirely in text. But it went remarkably well. If communication and effort are what makes a relationship work, he's going to up his communication and I'm going to up my effort and we both just might end up happy.

Here is my to-do list for today.

-Post office
-eBay BPAL
-get to the Oval to form for Soloski
-get to Westaff

If I can actually complete this list today, I'm going to be pretty thrilled. Like half of it I can't do myself, though. I'm going to do my damnedest.

also- make an icon of The Butcher. And probably one of Nick Wheeler.

Ow, the kitten's starting to really chomp on my foot. Time to go protect myself.

a non-linear assortment of thoughts

  • Jun. 28th, 2007 at 10:28 AM
femmealunettes: (hot cuz I'm fly : JWalk)
house&home: Kristin has a job interview today at 1:30. I definitely do not, so I'm going to pull my weight for the day with cleaning. I'm in that sort of mood anyhow. We got the new showerhead installed, though, and the guy is coming back to FINALLY put in our dryer vent, glory hallelu. Now I'm all motivated to make sure our bathroom is actually the cleanest in Plattsburgh, like all our friends claim. xD

five cent deposit: We have literally a metric asston of redeemable bottles, and I know the little store around the corner accepts them. I just have to sort the bottles from the cans. And since it's not 102 degrees today (and, pleasegodpleasegod, shouldn't reach that high), I'll probably just bring them over and add the dollar or two to the rent fund.

sales pitch: Once I get the pictures from Kristin, I'll make the clothing sale post, and repost the anime sale from her journal with a few additions and subtractions, lol.

music snob: Does anyone else read obnoxiously self-important music blogs? Like, every band that gets any kind of airplay just isn't cool enough for them? Yeah, I always want to smack a bitch when that happens. Sometimes bands make it big because they're good, douchetards.

sleeping in, not: My gentleman friend came over last night and the poor thing was practically falling-over exhausted. He works at Dunkin Donuts and two people quit yesterday, leaving him and one other person to do an eight-hour shift with no breaks, and he fell asleep two or three times while we were just sitting on my bed talking. He would have passed out on the side of Brinkerhoff and woken up with no wallet, no phone, and no shoes, so I told him to stay. I didn't think about two people's body heat in one narrow bed in the middle of one of the hottest nights this summer. But there really isn't any way for two people to sleep comfortably on a twin bed anyhow.

And then after drifting in and out of sleep all night, Kelly calls me at nine in the morning. NINE ACK EMMA. THIS IS NOT PROPER. And she invited me down to Crown Point to go chill with Dika and Jim for the weekend, which is a little awkward because a) she's known these people since she was like eight, and I just really hung out with them for the first time last week, and b) because SHE invited me, not they. And that's a whole weekend I could be wasting doing nothing hanging around here, trying to dodge the drama bullets. It's good exercise.

ratface: I let Heather run around on my desk sometimes, and she's taken to jacking small items and hiding them behind the computer monitor. xD She got a notepad and a paintbrush last night, I wonder what she's trying to say there.

gettin' crunk: Tonight the Monopole has $1.50 Captain or Jack drinks. I am all over getting some J.D. in me. Does anyone feel like meeting up with myself and the gentleman?

Jun. 16th, 2007

  • 5:59 PM
femmealunettes: (a body at rest : Joe Trohman)
Back in March 06 when I was put on Lamictal for the first time, I had to work my dose up from 25mg a day, slowly, to 100mg a day. And I got side effects-- horrible headaches, rashes, too-vivid dreams.

I'm not complaining about the dreams now-- they've become much nicer than plane crashes, usually along the lines of hanging out with band members-- but I went cold from no Lamictal at all to 200mg a day and I just got the worst migraine today. Light sensitive, cold sensitive, sound sensitive, and aspirin didn't help. I spent all afternoon in my nice dark bedroom. Lost a whole day to this.

I haven't answered my phone for Derek in two days, which is kind of fucked up of me but I just... he keeps wanting to go out and I am not into bars, I don't mind his house (we can't exactly come here for making outs) but I like my own place! and, I don't know, I feel guilty for being happy or some shit.

rkdjg;ljflkdj. head still hurts, actually. Not cool.

it's my Bob in a box!

  • Jun. 13th, 2007 at 2:39 PM
femmealunettes: (Bob Bryar in a box)
Still too many back posts, sorry guys! Keep me posted on what I should know.

Internets on Monday. Tonight, a trip to finance said internets, provided I can find a ride to the mall.

Today so far has involved a lot of laughing at myself from the past. BAD poetry, BAD fanfic, and a whole lot of clipped out comics and old chorus sheet music. I have no idea where I'm going to put this stuff but whatever, I might just rent a small storage space for my winter clothes and memoirs.

I have never lived in such a tiny room as I live in now. I barely spend any time in there when I'm not sleeping or getting dressed because, well, there's no room. Once I put my headboard together things will... probably get worse, lol. But then I can shove all the boxes between it and the wall.

Yesterday was pretty rock-awesome. I had my first appointment with Dr. Gitlin, which went swimmingly, and now I have MY OWN PRESCRIPTIONS instead of stealing my dad's pills, yey. Mandy came over to hang out for a bit, which is always delightful and I have so many hearts for her. Amber and Kristin and I did a wammert run, productive as usual. And Derek took me out to dinner at the new Indian restaurant around here, Karma #1.

PLATTSBURGHIANS: The Karma #1 is located in the Stonehelm Motel, way out in the boonies of Beekmantown, and it is AWESOME. The food isn't expensive, but it's plentiful and delicious and authentic. The waitress, at least last night, was this delightfully bubbleheaded girl who was stunned to see us come in. xD Seriously, go give your patronage to this place. I had the chicken tikka masala, Derek and Sam had the chicken vindaloo, and we were all absolutely knocked over with deliciousness. (Next time I might have the vindaloo, it looked good, but I'm definitely getting the samosas. Man I want samosas. xD)

This weekend Kristin is running a D&D game, and she's taking me through a practice dungeon tonight just to get the hang of it. I'm going to play a druid, I think it'll be fun and interesting and I've never done it before.

And now, I go back to packing away my childhood! Including my prom dress, which I am afraid to look at the tag of and see how much I really can't fit into it anymore. But it was a long, long time ago.


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