femmealunettes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
femmealunettes) wrote2009-02-02 02:10 pm
femmealunettes) wrote2009-02-02 02:10 pm
Entry tags:
by no means
Having my least healthy, most destructively co-dependent relationship shoved in my face is now making me reassess all of my relationships in that light.
I am revoltingly attention-needy. I get petulant when I think I'm being shunned or left out or insulted. I try too hard to insert myself into groups of friends so I can feel that connection too.
And I'm too scared to do it offline, so my entire emotional life is being played out online.
This sounds stupid, but I get how Gabriel Gray felt. Unimportant. A gear in a watch. Like I could be more... but not that I'm meant to be more.
Ah, cry moar, I know. I'm gonna suit up and go face an hour-long crying session like a person with a spine.
...and then I'm going to wish like hell that I could buy a pack of cigarettes because FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I want them so bad shouldn't a month be enough to stop craving them? please? when do I get to stop wanting them?
I am revoltingly attention-needy. I get petulant when I think I'm being shunned or left out or insulted. I try too hard to insert myself into groups of friends so I can feel that connection too.
And I'm too scared to do it offline, so my entire emotional life is being played out online.
This sounds stupid, but I get how Gabriel Gray felt. Unimportant. A gear in a watch. Like I could be more... but not that I'm meant to be more.
Ah, cry moar, I know. I'm gonna suit up and go face an hour-long crying session like a person with a spine.
...and then I'm going to wish like hell that I could buy a pack of cigarettes because FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I want them so bad shouldn't a month be enough to stop craving them? please? when do I get to stop wanting them?