by no means

[femmealunettes]

Having my least healthy, most destructively co-dependent relationship shoved in my face is now making me reassess all of my relationships in that light.

I am revoltingly attention-needy. I get petulant when I think I'm being shunned or left out or insulted. I try too hard to insert myself into groups of friends so I can feel that connection too.

And I'm too scared to do it offline, so my entire emotional life is being played out online.


This sounds stupid, but I get how Gabriel Gray felt. Unimportant. A gear in a watch. Like I could be more... but not that I'm meant to be more.


Ah, cry moar, I know. I'm gonna suit up and go face an hour-long crying session like a person with a spine.

...and then I'm going to wish like hell that I could buy a pack of cigarettes because FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I want them so bad shouldn't a month be enough to stop craving them? please? when do I get to stop wanting them?

Comments

[moorishflower.livejournal.com]

*hug* I know how you feel; I'm pretty needy myself, but I'm terrified of being rejected by someone I actually approach. It's why I always wait for someone to friend me first, talk to me first, all that.

Here, before you go, I need you. I'd be sad if you ever left. <3

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

*clings to* I need you too. You are too good to not know and I am lucky we found each other. <333

[perdiccas.livejournal.com]

I am revoltingly attention-needy. I get petulant when I think I'm being shunned or left out or insulted. I try too hard to insert myself into groups of friends so I can feel that connection too.
Hello, are we the same person? Seriously though, these are negetive traits that EVERYONE has. No one responds well to being left out or insulted and there's no shame in wanting to surround yourself with friends or wanting to feel like people care about you and pay attention to you. It sucks that some jackass made you feel like you need to apologise for these things like they aren't entirely normal insecurities that everyone has. I'm so sorry. D: But half the battle is realising that you DO have friends and people DO pay attention to you and care for you.

Here, have a half naked Chuck icon to put a weak smile on your face. :)

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

♥ I need to remember that everyone feels this way, so I don't have a panic attack about how much my emotions make me suck. (Seriously, I'm not guilty about my actions so much as my thoughts. I should be Catholic.)

Half-naked Chuck! He straddles the line between adorable and "put your shirt back on."

[doctor-caduceus.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of those feelings myself, so you exorcize them any way that works.

Aso, I was absurdly glad when your Gabrielle came to the ice cream parlor. She is so very pretty and nifty that Mohinder almost forgot that he likes teh menfolk.

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

Now that I'm back on game, I will exorcise them with writing. :D

Yaaaay! ♥ She's having doubts about her mission now. (the bad thing about having a character journal is that no one sees her journal entries x.x)

[piping-hot.livejournal.com]

*MASSIVE POUNCE CUDDLES* You're a terribly interesting person and only <3s here. That sounds like a really super crazy thing you're going through but it'll turn out alright in the end. *nod*

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

Your icon made me go "Hee!"

*loves on* as the love goes up, the crazy diminishes. And the crazy is almost washed away now. I expect to be back in shape by... 10:05 pm. ;D

[weslyn.livejournal.com]

Yay for supportive! But hey, don't we all get petulant when being excluded? And I completely get the self-insertion into groups to feel the connection, (and the self-consciousness that often accompanies that, too.)

My parents are quitting smoking too, and it's only their first day weening their selves off. Mom says it takes 6 months to quit completely.

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

*snuggle* Oh god, good luck to your parents. Both at once? You poor thing...!

[weslyn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm thinking of going up to Ithaca until the dust clears...

[shigogouhou.livejournal.com]

Stress will likely always make you want to smoke, hon. It'll be less dominant as time goes by but it'll always be there.

...that's not exactly what you wanted to hear, I know, but I asked my parents (who both quit) and that's the answer I got.

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

Fuck. Well. I'll just have to make an exception for clove cigarettes now and then. >>

[shigogouhou.livejournal.com]

That won't help you quit, though.....

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

You try giving up something without giving into a lesser but similar craving occasionally.

[shigogouhou.livejournal.com]

You haven't given me much choice in the matter, have you? ;)

[captainemo411.livejournal.com]

OMG I feel that way all the time. However, you're epically adorable and awesome. Ppl def. want to be around you. You're funtimez lady! <3

Skip the cigarettes and smoke some weeeeeeed with me?! *g*

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

<3333 *hugs!*

God, I wish. I would roll such an epic blunt to smoke with you and Kimmy. EPIC.

[captainemo411.livejournal.com]

Sweet Jesus, that'd be great! Like, one the size of a small hay bale should do it. haha

Oh, I meant to ask you if you like random texting... *hopes so!*

[speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com]

I don't mind random texting, but I don't have a phone number right now... :/