I think I'm sick of this new LJ update interface now. Pretty much thoroughly.

I'm just sick of a lot of things tonight. Sick of people, sick of being a liar and a loser and a suckup. Sick of second-guessing everyone's intentions and not knowing what's going on half the time.

Julia made us watch Requiem for a Dream today with her, since I got her it for Christmas (I really, really suck at keeping shit secret), and I'm just never watching that movie again. Once was enough for my lifetime. And I didn't even hear/see about a third of it.

Everyone's been asking me what's wrong today. I'm oversensitive and annoyed, that's what's wrong. I'm what's wrong.

I really don't think doing anything out of the ordinary would be a good idea tomorrow, and I know that I'm just going to be disappointing people but I'd rather let them down than have a hellish trip. I need to quit. I need a break to take care of myself. Although it never works when I say I'm going to do that.

I need to stop lying and figure out when and how and if I'm going back. I'm not going to graduate until I'm fucking thirty. I might as well swallow a bullet and take a job greeting at Wal-mart.

I had a dream last night that Fall Out Boy was playing in the church and I kept running around trying to find Andy Hurley something to drink. And then he wrote me a love letter and all the guys signed my copy of "My Heart Will Always Be the B-side to My Tongue". And then I woke up because my mom was all, "Get up, it's almost 8," and then my alarm went off, and I just want to go back to bed. I'm cold, and I'm still cranky, and I don't know what my problem is but I really just can't follow conversation any more. The sound of human voices is really grating to me right now.

I finally installed iTunes at work, so now I don't have to kill my iPod to listen to it here. Which is cool. And I'm trying so hard to finish my Christmas cards, but... the sad thing is, I don't know what to say to so many people.

I haven't been eating right. Or much, to be honest. I've skipped more meals than I've had,

....side note, Kelly's mom just called me to invite me over for the first night of Hanukkah. And I know everyone's expecting me to be at Miss Betty's graduation tonight. (George Tyndall's mother, for anyone following the character relationships in his half-assed, poorly-rated CW drama that is my life.) And my father expects me to be home all night counting kettles. And my friends are expecting to take some mushrooms that might cause extreme growth or extra lives...

Anyway. Haven't been eating. Feel sort of sick at the thought of food. I'm not anorexic, I'm just absent-minded.

And I'm snappish. And angry still. And I'm just glad my mom's good-natured and is joking around with me, not taking me seriously when I'm bitching. My mom FTW.