Yay, my mother helped me fix that set of drawers, and Jessica gave me permission to come to Wells tomorrow and bring some of my stuff up. I have a bunch of bags packed, plus I'm putting things in the drawers, and I'm going to ask Mom if we can go to Walmart tonight so I can stock up on dorm essential foodstuffs (read: cup-a-soups and juice to mix with vodka).

Now that classes are starting up in a few days, I'm starting to feel less excited and more worried. Like... what if I get back and nobody wants to hang out with me? That's silly, I know there are people who have missed me, but what if? What if I can't keep up with all the coursework? I'm not really taking any fluff courses this semester, everything is interesting but there's a lot of reading involved for a couple of these classes, and I'm not sure what the writing requirements will be. And I have to get on my own case about not procrastinating this semester the way I did last semester, even if I did pull As and Bs doing things at the last minute. Just because I can doesn't mean I should. What if I join a bunch of new clubs and I can't keep all the balls in the air?

Mostly though, I'm worried about the drag show, because I think it's the weekend after we come back and I said I'd participate but the suit I was going to wear is actually a woman's suit... and I have no idea what to do. I'm looking forward to it because a few people will be participating that I honestly cannot WAIT to see in drag, but if I think about doing it myself I just start feeling sick to my stomach. :( I'm going to be heavily involved in the setup/breakdown, because I really want to start pulling my weight as SAGA's secretary... and at the end of the semester we all vote on new co-chairs and I'm thinking I might put my name in. I don't know if I can do as good a job running the club as Alex and Phillip have, we've had a lot of cool events this semester.

And I'm kind of worried about auditioning for the Vagina Monologues, even though I KNOW I will do a good job at it because fuck, seriously, reading things aloud is kind of my thing, isn't it? Plus I might get to say the word cunt in a positive environment! I can say cock without giggling thanks to much podfic recording, but cunt still makes me giggle a little bit. I really NEVER use that word, not even when I'm super angry, unless I'm writing really vulgar porn, and most of my vulgar porn doesn't involve women anyway.

I know that once I actually get back and start seeing everyone I've missed and start having something concrete to do every day, I will be fine. I'm just stressing out about it for no reason right now. Soon I will be having tea with Barry and Phillip and watching MST3K with Mary and spending most of my time with Felix and watching Matt play video games and hopefully doing cool things like working on theater stuff with Jeremiah and doing chorus with Mary and Shane. I will walk around campus looking like a BAMF in my long leather coat and my fedora and my sweet Vera Bradley backpack, and people will want to hang out with me because I am a nice person who does her best to make the people around her feel good, and also I am pretty cool.

I just have to keep telling myself that: I am pretty cool, people will want to be around me. I am smart, people will be interested in my opinions. I am nice, people respond positively to positive people. I'm even pretty good looking and maybe someone will be interested in me. I had an awesome semester in the fall, I am going to have an awesome spring semester.