femmealunettes: (careful what I say here : Horrible)
femmealunettes ([personal profile] femmealunettes) wrote2009-02-02 02:10 pm
Entry tags:

by no means

Having my least healthy, most destructively co-dependent relationship shoved in my face is now making me reassess all of my relationships in that light.

I am revoltingly attention-needy. I get petulant when I think I'm being shunned or left out or insulted. I try too hard to insert myself into groups of friends so I can feel that connection too.

And I'm too scared to do it offline, so my entire emotional life is being played out online.


This sounds stupid, but I get how Gabriel Gray felt. Unimportant. A gear in a watch. Like I could be more... but not that I'm meant to be more.


Ah, cry moar, I know. I'm gonna suit up and go face an hour-long crying session like a person with a spine.

...and then I'm going to wish like hell that I could buy a pack of cigarettes because FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I want them so bad shouldn't a month be enough to stop craving them? please? when do I get to stop wanting them?

[identity profile] shigogouhou.livejournal.com 2009-02-02 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Stress will likely always make you want to smoke, hon. It'll be less dominant as time goes by but it'll always be there.

...that's not exactly what you wanted to hear, I know, but I asked my parents (who both quit) and that's the answer I got.

[identity profile] speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com 2009-02-03 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
Fuck. Well. I'll just have to make an exception for clove cigarettes now and then. >>

[identity profile] shigogouhou.livejournal.com 2009-02-03 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
That won't help you quit, though.....

[identity profile] speccygeekgrrl.livejournal.com 2009-02-03 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
You try giving up something without giving into a lesser but similar craving occasionally.

[identity profile] shigogouhou.livejournal.com 2009-02-03 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
You haven't given me much choice in the matter, have you? ;)