we need umbrellas on the inside

I made the mistake of decanting BPAL before bed. I'm pretty neat at it, but there is perfume on me and it's giving me a headache and that's bad for sleeping. I did try washing it off but it lingers. Oh, how it lingers.

The snow today was pretty sick, but apparently the wind's going to get dangerous. I'm more afraid of losing power because of wind than because of snow. So I plugged my phone in, and the laptop. I think those are the only things I can juice up just in case. xD

Chewing on pens can be relaxing, but dear god, it's really scary thinking about how unsanitary this thing in my mouth might be. :o I should stop thinking about it, I'm already nauseous.

It sucks that I'm still up, but while I am, here, have some music and stuff.

Fall Out Boy - It's Hard to Say "I Do" When I Don't

I Am Kloot - Proof

Fall Out Boy - Save Your Generation

Motion City Soundtrack - The Future Freaks Me Out

I'm an attention whore, guys. Someone commentspam me or something. My entries seem barren without your love.

I'm not depressed, I'm just too bored to feel anything. I'm such a hypocrite.

might as well take up space if I'm awake

I know I didn't forget to take my pills. And I really didn't have that much sugar. I've done all the things that are supposed to help with sleeping and none of them helped.

I've been laying here for an hour trying to write something, but this LJ entry is the only thing that's coming easier than blood from a stone.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. But I can't sleep at all.

I'd take a bath but my luck what it is, I'd fall asleep in it and drown. A shower would be better. I always feel better after a shower, smelling clean and soft new clothes and warmth soaked into me.

Oh. I didn't try lying a different way. My bed's like a nest anyhow, any which way up you want to be up, and now my head's down and... nope, it's just giving me a headache.

D:

I wish I had ski pants. I would go out and make a family of snowmen and then my family would wake up and be astounded. They're never astounded by me any more.

My mother thinks that my brother was driving drunk when he hit the cemetery. My dad thinks that my brother wasn't driving. My father has a lot of faith in my brother that's just about as misplaced, if not more, as their faith in me. At least I don't drive drunk.

Valentine's Day sucks. I want some cheap chocolate and a shot at my brother's punching bag. I might just sleep until the sun goes down, and if I wake up to a world where I'm not snowbound, hey cool.

I can hear the plows every time they go by. Something like every 20 minutes. Little rumbles like earthquakes in May. We live on a fault up here. But whose fault is that? (not mine.)

Fuck it. I'm going to take a shower now anyway. I need something to do that isn't failing at whatever I'm trying to do. I can't very well fail at showering. (if I'm not back in two hours, send help. no, I'm kidding. or am I?)

All this mailing I have to do; someone asked me yesterday how to mail something illegal and I told them "don't", but now she expects me to get it ready to mail for her. Which just proves that people may pretend to listen to me, but a good deal of the time it's just pretending. (which I'm guilty of myself. I zone out. It's a bad habit. I try to stay focused but sometimes words stop meaning things and just start being sounds.)

I'm going to shower and maybe have breakfast (if my mom wakes up for her TV show, I might try to beg eggs and bacon, otherwise I'm looking at bagels), and if I can't fall asleep in my bed I'll try the couch. I have to be able to sleep somewhere, damn it. I just have to find where.

breaking hearts and records

For a few minutes as the sun rose, there was the most gorgeous angle of light on the snow on the trees on the gravestones. Living across from a cemetery occasionally has aesthetic benefits.

My cat ripped a piece out of my finger. I guess to replace the last time she took a bite out of my hand, it's almost already healed up.

One day I'm going to start documenting my bruises, I think. Some of them get pretty wild.

The bags under my eyes are large enough to smuggle illegal immigrants in. Three starving children or four scene icons. xD

Sometimes I wonder, what if this really is coming up on the end of all things. Civilization dissolving. All our carefully structured lives, all our carefully built lies, tumbling down around our heads. One last trumpet blast and calling the human cattle back home. I'm so bleak when it comes to religion; it got scared into me and I can't scorn it out. I'll have this fear forever. Anything else I can face head on, except the threat of god.

I took that shower and it woke me up. I really might just lay on the floor and see if that works better than this overstuffed bed. Too many pillows, tonight. I need something empty.

Orange juice and medication for breakfast. Delish.

The roads seem clear, but everything's still canceled. Good. If I do get to sleep I want to stay there a while.

Some nights I just need to type and type. Something good might trip out of my fingers at any second.

"Cross your fingers but don't hold your breath." Admonition or song title. I can't write songs to save my life; I haven't written a poem since my (dropped) writing class. I would have passed that bitch with flying colors. (regret, regret, regret. suck it up.) I'll find some place to use it at any rate.

Yeah. I don't know. If anyone calls me before, say, 2 pm, I reserve the right to kill them in an unspecified but hideously painful way.

BPAL mega-sale post!

At this point in my life, I can definitely use money more than smellies. Anything I make from this is going right into the bank (although I can't guarantee it won't go for Fall Out Boy tickets!), and if I can get my collection down to, say, a large cigar box instead of a small suitcase, that'd be cool too.

So this is what's the deal: all prices include shipping. Multiple purchases will be adjusted accordingly. PayPal is best, although I can work with other payment types if you need me to. All sales will be packaged with a possibly ridiculous amount of extras (candles, sniffies, tea, candy, little fun things) and will be shipped as soon as payment is received. My bpal_feedback post is here.


LE Bottles:

Planetary Oils: $16 each or $80 for all six.
Sol
Mercury
Venus
Luna
Mars
Jupiter

A Demon in my View:
Dreamland (full between label and shoulder, how it came from the lab-- only sniffed it) $14
The Evening Star (full to the neck, how it came from the lab-- tested once) $15

Into the Maelstrom:
Berenice (full between label and shoulder, exactly how it came from the lab-- tested once) $15


LE imps:
Jacob's Ladder ($3.50)
Nuclear Winter ($3.50)
Yemaya ($3)
Glitter (original, $3.50)

GC imps: $2.25 each, or 7 for $12 (I want these babies gone, lol)
( cut for her pleasure )

you're a canary, I'm a coal mine

7:30-12:30.

I just couldn't sleep any more after Kelly called my phone... I ignored it and then I just got up and called her back anyway. And it was something stupid.

The final solution was dragging my feather mattress onto the floor and bringing my comfy blankets only, and one pillow. Being asleep has never felt so good. I kept waking up and every time I did I just rolled over and went. back. to. sleep. Delicious.

So you know what happens when you sleep on wet hair? Or rather, when I sleep on wet hair?

( this. )

Ahahahhaha. Yeah.

This is my fifth post today. Do you all hate me yet? I hope not. I love you all.

Google is trying to advertise me Spaghetti Ice Cream. I think "do not want" is the phrase I'm looking for here.

I'm going to be a crazy person again, and just link my selling-shit posts now. Not that I think anyone wants more BPAL from me (Cat Cat Cat Cat did you get it yet? huh didja?), but maybe the DVDs? I added Strangers With Candy last night, as if anyone who's a fan of that doesn't already have it.

I know that Kelly's going to want me to come out, come over. If she bothers calling me back. I don't know if I want to expend the energy involved in leaving the house. It's too freaking cold out there. I don't know if I'm desperately craving social interaction or if I'm repelled by the idea. It's kind of like being so hungry you feel sick to your stomach and can't eat. Maybe.

Apparently getting some sleep did not lessen my loquatious bullshit. I apologize.

take one for the team. (you all know what I mean.)

sixth.

Screw this, I'm going back to bed. I look good and I'm going to waste it on Jon Walker the Teddy Bear and all my posters. Hibernation? Yes. No one wakes up sleeping bears unless they're suicidal. Sometimes I wish I were a bear.

I think I figured it out. It's not boredom, it's just winter, making me lose interest in life again. Snow getting everywhere, even into my heart. Snow in everything I try to write unless it's whining here for everyone to see. So, fuck it, I'm going back to bed.

a jet engine through the center of a storm

(seventh)

I had a dream that I was playing Beiruit against Alec Guiness. I believe he told my brother and I that he was going to "rock our teeth out". WHAT THE FUCK. I don't even play Beiruit, I'm a beer pong girl.

My dog is so very thorough about cleaning plates, that she occasionally tries to clean the hand holding them. Oh Xena, you're so smelly and awesome.

Question, for the ladies. How many times do you need to disapprove of a joke before it becomes disrespectful for someone to continue repeating it? And are beatings an appropriate response after that point?

...I think I'm in the mood to play a little Guitar Hero. Flex my fingers. Try a few songs on hard, maybe. But I'm also in the mood to leave the house. I don't know how possible that is, though. It's all on the charity of my friends with cars, as always. All I know is I have a decent bit of Blueberry left and I'd like to burn through it. Kristin, use your psychic powers to magically transport me to your house.

One last thing:



Isn't he lovely. ♥