Okay, yikes, it's been a few days since I've updated here. I didn't really have a chance to get on LJ while I was at Mary's house, but I have a lot to talk about now. Some good things, some bad things, some indifferent things.

I feel like I should make a confession, right off the bat. I smoked a cigarette on Saturday night. I know, I had gone something like two years quit, but... this whole Salvation Army moving my parents thing is really stressful, and Julia asked me to come walk with her while she smoked, and I just really fucking wanted a cigarette, so I bummed one off her. Don't be too disappointed in me. I'm not going to start smoking again-- I can't afford it, it's too much of a pain to be a smoker at Wells, I don't want to smell like smoke all the time, my friends would be grossed out-- but... I'm not going to lie, that cigarette was really good. I'm really going to try not to bum any more off of her, but if she insists on involving me in stressful conversations I might end up doing it again. I'm definitely not going to try bumming them off anyone once I get back to campus, so really I just have to make it until Sunday and the temptation will be removed.

So yeah, I came home from campus on Saturday and had some super serious discussions with Julia about personal things that I really had no idea about, and that appalled and scared me, and... I kind of think I want to write my Deviance paper about my sister's experiences with the medicalization of deviance, but I don't know if she'd be happy about that. And then we watched some Metalocalypse.

Sunday evening I went up to Syracuse to stay with Mary, and I had a really good time with her and her family. Her parents are really nice, her father is a fantastic cook and her mom's cookies are phenomenal, and they're just really smart people who are fun to talk to. Mary and I watched some of Harvey Birdman Sunday night, which was really entertaining, and we spent a lot of time talking, which was just really nice, to get all of my problems off my chest. It's beyond wonderful to have someone who'll just listen when you need to talk.

On Monday, Mary and her dad brought me into Armory Square, which is downtown, I think, and we went to this really epic sushi restaurant, Sakanaya, which had a conveyor belt running the length of the seating area and you just picked off whichever dishes you wanted. I thought it was pretty awesome. We got $50 of sushi for $25 because Monday is half-price day, so that was incredibly cool. After we had lunch, we went to Soundgarden, which is a place I will definitely need to revisit, because they will accept used DVDs and CDs, so I need to go through my CDs and find the ones I still have cases for so I can sell them, and take the big stack of DVDs I don't want and maybe be able to buy something I do want. They have really good prices on a lot of TV shows. I got the first two seasons of Leverage for $15 each, you really can't do better than that. (When I go back I'm either going to get Metalocalypse or Venture Brothers, I'm just not sure which yet.) Monday night I finished reading Fight Club while Mary played on her Game Boy, and then I started writing... I got eight pages of my medium-sized notebook full of Riley and Zachariah, and I'm not done with the story yet. (Because I can't seem to write them without making it porny. But it's going to be good.) I was up until almost 3 AM writing.

Tuesday, Mary and I went to the zoo, which is only a couple of blocks from her house. I haven't been to a zoo since I went to the Bronx Zoo in like... 2005 or something like that. It's been a long time, anyways. I took a lot of pictures of animals on my phone. There were some really cute things, like squirrel monkeys and fennec foxes, and some big cool things, like lions and tigers and wolves, and all kinds of birds of prey, but all the birds were missing either parts of wings or whole wings, because they're rescue birds from Cornell. They were still pretty cool though. We walked around the zoo for a few hours, and then she and her mom and I went out for Indian food at Dosa Grill, which was excellent. I had a kind of naan I've never had before... I think it was peshwari naan? It had coconut and golden raisins in it, it was incredible.

Julia picked me up not too long after we got back from dinner, and the two of us went to the Carousel Center. She had to return some stuff to Sephora and Victoria's Secret, and I got my eyes done in Sephora. If you watched the vlog you saw them, they were kind of extreme. I asked the lady for something I could wear every day, I don't think she got what I meant. (I meant, something I can put on in five minutes or less, something I can wear to class.) But I didn't have any money anyways, so I couldn't buy any makeup. Julia also brought me with her to Zumies and decided to buy a pair of Toms, which look really cool and I entirely want a pair now. Next time I go to Syracuse I'm going to spend basically my entire paycheck. :/ I really suck at saving money.

So Julia and I got home last night and she asked me to come out with her while she smoked again, and we started talking about the Salvation Army and how it's screwing our parents over and how we really have no idea what's going to happen to us, and Julia told me about her survival plan, and I just ended up getting really scared, which seems to happen every time I have a serious discussion with her. I'm really not equipped for the world to fall apart, I'm going to be completely useless if society ever breaks down-- which she thinks is absolutely going to happen, and I just really hope isn't.

I don't know. I have no idea how I haven't had a panic attack yet from talking to her about these things.

But now it's Wednesday, and I am just... trying to relax. I might pick up another book, I might just watch some TV-- it would be nice to catch up on another one of my shows, but I don't know how realistic of a goal that is. I might try anyway.

Quick, non-spoilery review of the two movies I saw tonight:

Night at the Museum 2: Amy Adams, why so bangable? Goddamn, the things I would do to that woman. I was thinking this, but didn't voice it, Julia actually said it aloud: Octavius and Jedediah = bromance throughout the ages. Not as good as the first one, but few sequels are. This is only slightly behind the original. I was way entertained and enjoyed it muchly.

Wolverine: I'm not a huuuuge Marvel fan like some people maggiesox for instance who said the movie suck suck sucked. I would give it one suck out of three. In a wholly unrelated way, I would like to suck on Hugh Jackman's fingers. I can't even explain that, sorry. Ryan Reynolds could have been put to such better use, the minute I heard "Victor" I went OHHHHH and my mom and sister looked at me all wtf? I had to explain how Cyclops's power worked like eight times. They totally should have gotten Josh Holloway for Gambit. Basically? Eye candy. Hugh Jackman's ass gets a 10 out of 10.

Julia came back to the car from the bathroom and notified us that someone was "smoking reefer" off to the left. My immediate and wistful thought was, I wish I was here with some combination of Amber and Kevin and Kelly and Jenz and George. Because, A, drive ins are fuck-off awesome, and B, there is not much in this world better than being in a cozy space with some of your best friends passing a blunt and watching a good movie.

I did talk to Kelly, in between the movies, and apparently everything/everyone in Plattsburgh is falling apart. Moving home with their parents, not talking to each other, being isolated and unhappy and I'm not even going to get a chance to see some people because I couldn't make it there this weekend like I thought I would have been able to. :/

On the more cheerful side... I'm 4 stories away from finishing my feedback frenzy table, I can't wait for the author reveal so I can answer all of the nice comments I've been getting (and, omg, that's a lot of attention for two rare pairs)... I was about to say "now that I don't have any deadlines" but fuck, I do, and I need to talk to my Sweet Charity people about that. (DON'T KILL ME GUYS.)

I think tomorrow I will make my Star Trek fic rec post, because there are SO MANY good stories and they need to be shared.

....omfg, my brother's friend Ryan Church is SUCH A DOUCHE. I can't even explain. How do you knock two girls up, bounce from one to the other and move one from Kentucky to New York and then go back to the other one, and move HER from NY to Montana? This kid needs to be castrated. Goddamn.

oh, two tack-on etas: I saw fireflies tonight. First fireflies of the year! \o/
and, something got posted today that makes me feel both sad about isolating myself and justified in doing so. some things are better left unjustified. :/

last edit, I swear:
( he might not remove the sad, but damn if he doesn't help ease it )

Today, I gave and received more hugs than I have in any day in my recent memory. It was prety much the best ever. And Lacy gave me a shoulder rub, so I feel very relaxed now.

I didn't find my wallet, but that's okay now. Because I have friends who I really love, and people who trust me, and if I can make a difference in one person's world, then goddamnit that's a good reason to show up every day.

Kristin and I went to WalMart from 4 to 6:30 with my mom, and of that we stood at a kettle maybe 45 minutes to an hour. The rest of it we went in, three times. Time one: I bought a DVD for Kait and one that I'm going to watch with Kristin, and also got Criminal Minds Season One, How I Met Your Mother Season One (which goes to Kristin, my best friend and wingman and Neil Patrick Harris lover), and An Inconvenient Truth. Time two: an $80 adaptor to hook my iPod to my TV (which didn't work so well at Kelly's, even with myself and Lacy and Jen Dwyer fiddling with it), and $20 headphones.

Time three, Kristin and I went in to play Guitar Hero II, and she ended up COMPLETELY FUCKING PWNING Heart Shaped Box on medium. She got five stars. 96% the first time she played it. And then the audience wanted an encore-- and the song it gave her was Carry On Wayward Son. FUCK YES. She got a 91% on that. She's my guitar hero. ♥

Then we got subs at Quiznos. Oh my god chicken carbonara. And I saw Chance, who I haven't seen in like FOREVER, and I really should call David Carr and see about hanging out some time. But I digress.

Once we got to Kelly's, everything mellowed out significantly. Not that it hadn't been good due to Walmart shop'ing and Quiznos, but there's a whole hell of a lot to be said about being with your friends. Lots of hugging. I practically forced Kyle Rougeau to take a hug, which he admitted was very nice (and someone said that "a comfortable hug" means "I like your rack", but then I hugged them and they realized he was right xD), and then I practically forced him to let me put cinnamint lip gloss on him. I put it on my finger first, I think that's the only reason he let me do it. (And then I practically jumped on his lap, but in this case "practically" doesn't mean I did it, which it doesn't actually mean anyway, does it? I did the first two, not the second.)

I was called hot by someone I have thought was pretty all of the six years I've known her. And one little act of gossiping turned into something far, far deeper-running, and maybe things do come to a balance, maybe there are reasons some people come into each others' lives. And I'm going to try and make a difference, because it's terrible to see someone with so much potential give it all up.

Anyway. I should probably call Jen tomorrow and ask her to come rip up t-shirts with me. xD If I can find some red or black fabric and old white shirts, I'll make a "Free Matt Pierce" t-shirt with her. Fabric glue will do for something to wear on a visit until we can get really good ones made. I'm going to teach myself stitchery and I want to make something cool with box-stitch corners and contrasting embroidery. Maybe I'll make it for her for Christmas.

(Oh my god, William Beckett is so gorgeous. The video for "Phrase That Pays" is just... ohgod. Becks.)

Speaking of Christmas, I have plans: I'm doing that thing with Kristin, which we should get going on fairly soon; I'm getting that DVD for Julia (and two others if I can); my brother's probably getting something snowboarding-related (maybe goggles, maybe gloves...); tomorrow after church I'm going to finish up packages to mail on Monday. And Monday morning I'm going to deposit my paycheck and go mail some fucking packages and cards already. xD

Kristin won me an octopus in the claw game! It's so cute. but it reminds me a little of Will Ferrell. So his name is Harold.

(Kristin: in the Mac ad where PC crashes, he totally says "hi, I'm a PC.")

I don't know. I feel so good now when I felt so bad before, and I love it. I appreciate my friends so much. And I love them all.