I know I didn't forget to take my pills. And I really didn't have that much sugar. I've done all the things that are supposed to help with sleeping and none of them helped.

I've been laying here for an hour trying to write something, but this LJ entry is the only thing that's coming easier than blood from a stone.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. But I can't sleep at all.

I'd take a bath but my luck what it is, I'd fall asleep in it and drown. A shower would be better. I always feel better after a shower, smelling clean and soft new clothes and warmth soaked into me.

Oh. I didn't try lying a different way. My bed's like a nest anyhow, any which way up you want to be up, and now my head's down and... nope, it's just giving me a headache.

D:

I wish I had ski pants. I would go out and make a family of snowmen and then my family would wake up and be astounded. They're never astounded by me any more.

My mother thinks that my brother was driving drunk when he hit the cemetery. My dad thinks that my brother wasn't driving. My father has a lot of faith in my brother that's just about as misplaced, if not more, as their faith in me. At least I don't drive drunk.

Valentine's Day sucks. I want some cheap chocolate and a shot at my brother's punching bag. I might just sleep until the sun goes down, and if I wake up to a world where I'm not snowbound, hey cool.

I can hear the plows every time they go by. Something like every 20 minutes. Little rumbles like earthquakes in May. We live on a fault up here. But whose fault is that? (not mine.)

Fuck it. I'm going to take a shower now anyway. I need something to do that isn't failing at whatever I'm trying to do. I can't very well fail at showering. (if I'm not back in two hours, send help. no, I'm kidding. or am I?)

All this mailing I have to do; someone asked me yesterday how to mail something illegal and I told them "don't", but now she expects me to get it ready to mail for her. Which just proves that people may pretend to listen to me, but a good deal of the time it's just pretending. (which I'm guilty of myself. I zone out. It's a bad habit. I try to stay focused but sometimes words stop meaning things and just start being sounds.)

I'm going to shower and maybe have breakfast (if my mom wakes up for her TV show, I might try to beg eggs and bacon, otherwise I'm looking at bagels), and if I can't fall asleep in my bed I'll try the couch. I have to be able to sleep somewhere, damn it. I just have to find where.