Okay, screw that, I am never ringing when it's below 20 degrees out again. It was 14 degrees and I lost feeling in my toes within 45 minutes of getting out there... they're still numb and achy. :(

Now I'm going to the mall and I am going to treat myself to Starbucks and maybe some eye makeup because I want to look nice while I'm in Plattsburgh. Which I will be, in 24 hours or so. :D

In about an hour I have to go stand a kettle in front of Walmart. This is the first time I'll be doing it outside this year, and I'm not complaining because I only have to do it for two hours. It's freaking cold out, and snowing, though. Standing in the snow is a special kind of fun.

At some point after that I'm going to the mall with Julia, which will be a whole other kind of fun, because being at the mall with no money is awesome. I still need to get Dennis a Christmas present... so I'm hoping Old Navy has their sweaters on sale. >.>

This is my mantra: It's almost Friday. Which means so much more this week than any other week. Except next week is a pretty significant Friday too, isn't it? xD

Now: to figure out how many layers I can put on before looking like a cartoon version of myself.

I missed my classes this morning because I couldn't sleep at all last night. This insomnia bullshit is getting more annoying every night. Hopefully the increase in Geodon will work like Dr. Mehrhof says it should and I can get some zz's without resorting to smothering myself with a pillow until I go unconscious.

My session with Lisa today was really weird. Usually I have plenty to say but I petered out before we were even halfway through. She pulled out some artsy therapy thing she does with her kid clients and had me draw on a paper plate-- the me I show everyone on one side, the me I am on the inside on the other side. Aside from proving that my art skills are called "skills" only in the loosest sense of the word, uh, I'm depressed. It didn't take crayons and colored pencils for me to figure that out, but it was kind of... not fun exactly... it sucked, actually, because even the me I show everyone isn't all that interesting. I define myself by what I do, and everything I do is passive, it seems.

Then I drove around with my mom for two hours trying to get things done. My poor mother is so harried right now. My dad has really bad vertigo, I think I've mentioned, so he hasn't been able to work for the past couple of months now. It's coming up on the holidays, which means that Mom has to coordinate the Thanksgiving dinner at the church, the entire red kettle campaign (which starts tomorrow, usually we wait until Black Friday but not this year), and pretty soon all of the Christmas toys and food baskets. Divisional Headquarters asked her if she wanted an assistant officer sent in for the season, but she said no. Her rationale was that training the new person would take as long as just doing everything herself, which, I'm sorry, is bullshit if they send someone even barely competent. She could use the help. I just have to convince her that DHQ isn't trying to plant a spy in the corps, which... isn't all that unbelievable, honestly, those people have it out for my parents.

...so I am pretty much at my mother's disposal between now and Christmas any time she needs someone to stand at a kettle. It's not really winter until I'm freezing my ass off outside some retail establishment!

Julia and I went to Syracuse to get our Aerie gifts, which turned out to be lame-- little bottles of their Katie scent, which none of us like and Rachael can't even use because of her allergies... so those will be going in my boxes to people, heh. We both spent a bit of dough while we were there. I got pajama pants and more panties (seriously, I should know better by now, but those 5 for $25 panties get me every time) and a really cute navy blue cadet cap that matches my coat perfectly. And I got more Christmas cards at Borders, so I can finish up addressing those to everyone who wants one. :D

I also mailed out the box for sweetxtc666. The Carousel Mall has a post office right inside it that keeps mall hours. So freaking convenient! Michelle sent me a box that I got yesterday, chock full of candles and cat toys and tea and the most excellent homemade peach butter and a pair of mitten-gloves that perfectly match my gray and purple scarf. :D Thank you again Michelle! I am going to go have some toast with that butter on it so I can take my pills and hopefully go to bed... after I watch Fringe. :D

Apparently one of the majors in charge of this division of the Salvation Army said something to the effect of "we need 48 HEALTHY officers in this division."

I'm sorry, if that means he's planning on making my family move because my father is sick all the time, then he's a fucking douchebag and I hope he has someone exactly as compassionate as he is making the decisions about his life when he's in a bad way.

It's not my father's fault that he's got crazy vertigo and he's losing his hearing (he's almost deaf in one ear now, mostly gone in the other one), it's not like he's MAKING IT UP, and the only reason it's worth my parents even being in the Salvation Army is because they get really good health insurance, pretty much.

It would be really obvious if they moved my parents to get rid of my dad, anyway: they almost never move a family with a child in high school, and Rachael's only a junior.

Just thinking about this is pissing me off so badly. :(

Upgrade: Mom bought me a donut and some really good hot chocolate before bringing me out to Tops.

Downgrade: I immediately spilled it upon setting up my kettle.

Upgrade: ...and then I replaced it with Tim Horton's hot chocolate with double espresso. \o/

Upgrade: Tops was pretty busy today, so I made a decent amount of dough.

Downgrade: ...but people were incredibly rude, too.

Downgrade: Serious pain by 11:45.

Upgrade: Mom said she'd bring me painkillers.

Downgrade: ...which she did 15 minutes before 1pm. SO MUCH HURTING.

Downgrade: And then she left me in the car for 20 minutes picking up another kettle.

Upgrade: So I listened to podfic the whole time.

Upgrade? Now I want to do my own podfic. kind of. (I definitely want to do Everything In Its Right Place, but a) I don't know if my voice is good enough, b) I can't do a Mohinder voice at all, and c) is it pretentious to read your own work? >> Also I don't have a microphone.)

Upgrade: I am home, with a heating pad, and actual midol, and I could take a nap if I wanted, or just work on fic, AND I got an amazing idea for the Christmas Eve Fic of Awesome in the car. (hint: Mr. Muggles and Christmas tree lights.)

Upgrade? Chances are we're all going to see Julia in Syracuse this afternoon. God only knows how that'll turn out, but I do miss her.

UPGRADE: I GOT A HAIRCUT YESTERDAY, GO TELL ME I'M PRETTY BECAUSE I AM HAVING A SELF-ESTEEM CRISIS

Overall: Upgrade! Woo!

( WARNING: girly TMI and bitching behind cut. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. )

Fuck this noise, y'all, I want to crawl back under my covers until January 1st.

*taps on glass* Hello? Anyone out there? I feel very alone...

A little over two hours to finish my Advent fic for tomorrow, and I think I'm going to be able to do that. Cheating for the 20th, I'm going to do a little fanmix with a song for every pairing I've written this month. (Some are very silly.)

Tomorrow I have to ring bells. I'm not sure from when to when; we're supposed to get slammed with snow, so even if I'm indoors, there's still a chance of an early end to the evening due to bad roads. At least I didn't have to do it for most of the season! :D

I got my dad one of those super-soft robes from Bath and Body Works, and I wrapped it up in a Victoria's Secret bag. I crossed out Victoria's and wrote in Dad's. xD I think I'm hilarious, and apparently I am the only person alive who thinks so.

My plans to be in Plattsburgh for New Year's have been dashed. First we're going to New Bedford (meh), then we're going to Maine (meh again, except it'll be good to see Poppy), and THEN I'll get dropped off there on the way back through and I can take the train home. Which is okay, but the point was to be there for New Year's Eve so I could see everyone (or mostly everyone) in one place. :/ Oh well. As long as I make it there, I can't complain.

For some reason, my tattoos itch. What the fuck. Okay, I'm going to write. Yep. This is officially knocking the Claude/Noah/Sandra fic out of highest word count, too. Mylar makes my toes curl. xD

I just peeked over my father's shoulder while I was talking to him in his office. I don't know who he was IMing, but he said "I wish I was anywhere else right now."

Him and every other member of my family, apparently.

I spent my morning laying toys out in order of gender- and age-appropriateness (as dictated by the binary system that rules our culture, but I really hope most boys have better taste than to play with Bratz dolls. at least go for the original Barbie) and doing the same to clothing. What a freakin' waste of plastic bags. -_-

And then just as I finish the last bit of organization (into separate bags: knit hats, machine-made hats, knit mittens, machine-made gloves, knit scarves, machine-made scarves, and anything that came in a set), my mother walks in and says "Good job, but that was pointless, I told your father I wanted everything left as it was." And then she went off about how she can't stand him and she doesn't know why she's still married to him, and I almost cried.

After that is when I saw my dad's IM.

My family needs help. More in December than any other month. Right now I feel like I'm the only one who's holding on to my emotions, and that's fucking scary.


I really just want to curl up into a ball and scream for a little while, but that would be bad form for the only sane member of my family. Unless Rachael is actually more sane... which is also a scary proposition, considering she's the youngest and the only one who can escape to a friend's house at a moment's notice.

Somebody do something to cheer me up, please. Please.



...and now I think Mom is having a breakdown. The last straw was somewhere between Julia calling her a cunt and having a load of wet cardboard stacked into the back of her minivan.

I wish there was a single fucking thing I could do to make things easier for her. My mother is too good of a person to have all this shit stacked on her shoulders.

Today, over $4000 was donated into the kettles. I counted over $500 in quarters alone. RIDICULOUS. This brought on a series of nearly OCD handwashing.

Also, I hate pennies.

My sisters are at each others' throats tonight worse than usual, but most of the night was nice and quiet with my dad. Bonus round: he paid me for helping out. \o/ Now I can get Christmas gifts for my family members.

Tomorrow after church there is another nursing home to visit. The first one had 77, the next two had 60 in total... this one has 250. It's going to take forever.

Once again, I am not letting myself sleep until I have something finished so I can keep at least two days ahead on my Advent calendar. Hopefully I'll be done in time to actually wake up tomorrow morning.

Part of the fun of being an officer's kid around Christmas is being drafted to help in things that aren't standing kettles in the bitter cold.

The best one: angel tags.

These are cards we hang up on Christmas trees in conspicuous places-- post office, grocery stores, the mall-- and each one has a name, an age, a gender, and a desired gift item. People pull down the tags, buy a gift, and deliver it with the tag taped on. It's a nice program, and how most of the gifts we distribute get here.

The fun part is, we don't actually write real kids on them. We space out ages and divide the tags into half boys, half girls. And then we need names. :D

Some of the highlights of this year: most of the characters from Heroes, and most of the actors; a bunch from Supernatural, half the characters from Pushing Daisies, all the characters from Chuck, and a whole bunch of my LJ friends. \o/ (omgimnaked, I hope you like Dora the Explorer. And ruedifference, you want a bike. xD)

It is harder to come up with 150 toys than you think. Especially because I have no flippin' clue what kids under 12 like. o.o;

I'm done with the name/age part, and Mom's going to help with the toy part when she comes back up.

Later today, we are going to the Carousel Mall (again \o/) and then we are picking up Julia from the train station. It has been weird not having her around. The house is so... quiet. And no one comes into my room to pester socialize with me, except Xena.

omg, I want a nap so bad. ;_;


ALSO: when are these permanent accounts going to go on sale? I want my 50 extra userpics, kthx!

I have six more episodes of Supernatural S2, and then headlong into season 3 I go.

I ended up standing for 2 1/2 hours instead of the planned 2, because my mother is late for everything. xD I didn't freeze, thankfully, and also I now have huge chocolate stockpile FTMFW.

I got a new thermal shirt yesterday with gray sleeves... and because it amuses me to be SUPERDORK, I went all-out Zane Taylor!Sylar with my outfit. Except I don't have a Ramones t-shirt... so I wore a My Chemical Romance one. The real Zane would probably cry. xD I don't care. It entertained me to think about slicing open the heads of every bastard who walked past my "have a nice day!" without even looking at me.

Some middle-aged lady walked by, and I told her I liked her glasses... and she said "Thanks, yours are pretty fly, too." SHE WAS OLDER THAN MY MOM, AND SHE USED THE WORD "FLY" AS AN ADJECTIVE. It was AWESOME. :D :D :D

My bed is calling to me very loudly. I don't wanna sleep, I have stuff to do! ...but just a little nap.... No!

Oh, and Mather Nature hates me. The sky cleared for... maybe 45 minutes... and then clouded over again right before sunset. No awesome planets for me again. D:

Is it sad that I'm excited for December 4 just so I can fill up my new extra 50 icon spaces? >> I don't care, omg50moreiconswoo!

Standing the kettle was not so bad, really. I got a little bit of rage for the people who ignored me completely... I'm not saying "good morning" or "have a nice day" to get you to give me money, dickwads, I'm just being nice. I also discovered that black people almost never ignored my greeting, and more white middle-aged women did than any other group.

Also, a lot of little kids stared at me. xD I like that. I wave at them and make faces. One little girl couldn't have been more than two... on the way in she said "Why you ring that bell?" but her mom didn't pause... and then on the way out, she said "Why you do that?" xD N'aww. I also got to explain to a seven-or-so year old why he put money in the pot. It's really simple: every bit of the money we get goes toward some sort of aid for people, either stocking the food shelf, rent assistance or help with bills, all that good stuff. Then the boy told me he wanted to help build houses for people without them when he grew up. Bless!

The nicest thing happened around noon. Some guy was waiting for a cab, smoking a cigarette, and I asked if I could buy one from him for 50 cents. He was like "No, no, here!" and gave me five. THEN, he walked over and asked how long I was there. I told him until 1... and he gave me the whole rest of the pack. Which was practically full. I was all, "omg no, I can't take this!" and he insisted. I was astonished. I thanked him a whole bunch of times... it was nice having someone be nice to me after 15 straight minutes of being ignored. That guy made my day, not because of the smokes, but because of his kindness. ♥

Dennis and Church got here at 8:30... they'd been driving since 2:30. In the morning. With both of Dennis's pit bulls in the backseat. Boys be crazy, yo. I'm not sure if they brought any of my stuff like I asked... but they're asleep, so I'm not bothered about it yet.

I believe I am also going to sleep. Naps &hearts