Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this on LJ even though I bitched about it in brief on Twitter and Facebook.

Yesterday I went to the Verizon store with my mother to get my phone line added to the family plan and swap up for a Blackberry. When we got there we were told, no, you can't have six lines on a family plan, you can have six lines on an account, the extra line would have to go on its own plan. Which means something like $80 a month for a Blackberry instead of $30, and also $40 even if I keep my four year old phone and all I do is text because you have to buy at least 450 minutes a month. So... I got fucked out of a Blackberry because Verizon doesn't believe large families exist, and I got fucked out of having my parents pay for even basic service because it's still cheaper for me to stay pay-as-you-go. The only problem with that is, I have no money in my account, and I have no money to put in my account, so I don't even have a fucking phone.

I would have been a lot more pissed off about it if I hadn't had one of my awful, ears-ringing, think-I'm-gonna-puke dizzy spells while standing there talking to the customer service guy. I would have bitched about it... except I was too busy trying to stay upright.

I haven't had one of those dizzy spells in months and months, and I am kind of pissed off that I had one yesterday, because I thought they were a side effect of getting used to Geodon, not something that was going to recur sporadically while taking it almost a year after it was initially prescribed to me.

...so basically I'm pissed off at everything except fandom right now. I even hate cookies, for god's sake, I am a miserable bitch except for when I am reading fanfiction.

TL;DR: fuck Verizon, fuck medication side effects, fuck cookies, now excuse me while I go read about Sherlock and John fucking.

I think all I have done today, besides going to class, is play Cafe World and upload my fic to Archive Of Our Own. (Note to self: February 1.) I have 37 stories up there right now, which isn't bad. I purposefully didn't port a few over, because I didn't like them or they weren't long enough to suit. Going through all of my fic has not exactly instilled me with the feeling that I'm a great writer, but hell, I haven't actually WRITTEN anything in how long? A disgusting amount of time.

Now before I go to sleep, I promised my little sister I would edit her essay on the Death With Dignity Act in Oregon and how it compares to the Terri Schiavo case. It is taking every ounce of self-control I have to not completely rewrite the damn thing, because even though Rachael believes the DWDA is a good thing, she's arguing against it because that's the position her teacher takes. It's nice to see such blatant political pushing in a high school English class. I told her she should argue what she believes and if the teacher fails her because of her stance, bring it to the principal and get her officially reprimanded, but it's due in the morning so she didn't have time to, you know, be true to her own ideals.

There is so much wrong with the education system in this city. Well, the nation, but this city specifically.

I'm starting to get tension headaches again from clenching my jaw. This is not entirely unrelated to my sister's essay, but it does predate it.

I got an A- on my Personality test. That's 1/3 of my entire grade in the class. I am satisfied with that.

I have another test in Botany in, uh, nine hours. On the practical side of things, not the book-learning test I aced. I'm not as optimistic about identifying foliage.

I have about 150 pages left of Fool's Fate. It's at a really depressing point right now. I had to put the book aside for a while. I'll probably finish it tomorrow.

I promised music, and I found out yesterday that Death Cab For Cutie has a new song out. It's on the New Moon soundtrack, which... ugh, but: it's new DCFC, so I'll take it any way I can get it.

October 7: Death Cab For Cutie - Meet Me On The Equinox

I just peeked over my father's shoulder while I was talking to him in his office. I don't know who he was IMing, but he said "I wish I was anywhere else right now."

Him and every other member of my family, apparently.

I spent my morning laying toys out in order of gender- and age-appropriateness (as dictated by the binary system that rules our culture, but I really hope most boys have better taste than to play with Bratz dolls. at least go for the original Barbie) and doing the same to clothing. What a freakin' waste of plastic bags. -_-

And then just as I finish the last bit of organization (into separate bags: knit hats, machine-made hats, knit mittens, machine-made gloves, knit scarves, machine-made scarves, and anything that came in a set), my mother walks in and says "Good job, but that was pointless, I told your father I wanted everything left as it was." And then she went off about how she can't stand him and she doesn't know why she's still married to him, and I almost cried.

After that is when I saw my dad's IM.

My family needs help. More in December than any other month. Right now I feel like I'm the only one who's holding on to my emotions, and that's fucking scary.


I really just want to curl up into a ball and scream for a little while, but that would be bad form for the only sane member of my family. Unless Rachael is actually more sane... which is also a scary proposition, considering she's the youngest and the only one who can escape to a friend's house at a moment's notice.

Somebody do something to cheer me up, please. Please.



...and now I think Mom is having a breakdown. The last straw was somewhere between Julia calling her a cunt and having a load of wet cardboard stacked into the back of her minivan.

I wish there was a single fucking thing I could do to make things easier for her. My mother is too good of a person to have all this shit stacked on her shoulders.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

GEE, DIRECTV, THANK YOU FOR BLANKING OUT TWO MINUTES OF THE CLIMAX OF THE EPISODE

WHAT THE HELL DO WE PAY YOU FOR ANYWAY


*BITCHFACE LIEK WOAH*

Aside from the major downer I saw coming, this episode was pretty awesome. Except for Arthur fucking douchebag worst villain ever Petrelli.

More complete review later. After I am done SEETHING AND RAVING.

FUCK.

Oh. BALLS.

DirectTV, you can lick my cat's shriveled hairy nutsack for depriving me of Heroes. "We are aware this channel is unavailable and will restore service as soon as possible."

I can't watch it after it's begun! WHAT IF I MISSED SOMETHING?

So now I have to wait for the upload. D: Fucking fuckity fuck.





On the positive side, I finally got to see the planetary conjunction, and it was SWEET. \o/

I HATE THE DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES.

*ahem*

Probably not ALL DSS offices. I'm sure that somewhere, in a magical land, they're efficient and empathic and helpful, and they actually pay attention to the circumstances and needs of their clients. And people get around on unicorns and magic carpets, and there's universal health care that works...

Still, I'm not talking about magical fairy land, I'm talking about right here in Plattsburgh and/or the good ol' USA. Let me share a few stories I've heard over the past couple weeks, with the names omitted to protect the horribly violated.

1) Due to the privatization of prescription plans instituted under Dubya, a woman with serious health problems is unable to receive aid for a secondary condition caused by treating her first problem. Either one could potentially kill her-- if she stops the first treatment, she'll get really sick. But she's really sick because of it as well, and although the secondary condition is treatable, the private company now insuring her doesn't think it's worth $5000 every two weeks to basically save her life. If Medicaid was still covering her, this wouldn't even be an issue. But nope, gotta fuck around with the health care system.

2) Food stamp bitch 1: To receive food stamps, you have to either have a very low-paying job, or go sit in a room for 8 hours a day doing literally nothing. If you get a job, you get a pitiful sum after jumping through ridiculous hoops. But who has time to get a job when you're fulfilling a completely absurd condition of getting help in the first place?

3) Food stamp bitch 2: A family of five (two adults, three young children) were getting food stamps. The mother found a job, but wasn't able to actually start working for two weeks. DSS completely cut off their food stamps as soon as they found out she was employed, regardless of the fact that she couldn't get a paycheck for a full month after that. When she tried to explain this, the response? "Too bad, you have a job, you should be able to provide for your family now." This woman literally broke into sobs sitting across from me while she filled out the application for aid. (I ended up loading her down with eight very full bags from the food pantry, and them my mom went in and added two more. We're both complete suckers for tears, but even if she hadn't cried we would have done the same thing.)

I see cases like these all the time, not just working in the Salvation Army but because my friends are also getting fucked by the system when they need help the most. What the hell is this department for if they aren't actually helping people? It's the most inefficient and soulless fuckup of an excuse for a social service organization I've ever had the dubious fortune of actually helping people in the wake of.

I'm sure that it helps people. I'm sure of it. But all I see, and this is probably why I bitch, all I see are the people who don't get any help. The ones whose kids are hungry because they make too much for food stamps but not enough for food and rent and utilities. The ones who literally come in with the clothes on their backs and not too much else. And even here, we have our restrictions, but I do what I can to bend the loopholes in their favor, because that's what you should do when your purpose is to help people.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

WHILE I'm already being a bitch, maybe I should talk about my work a little bit.

No, ma'am, we won't furnish your house for you. Get some milk crates and work your way up, just like the college kids do. Just because you have to pay at the thrift store doesn't mean it's going to be any more that $15 for a bed, probably. If you want to hang up on me, you can go fuck yourself on a bare floor.

No, sir, lying to me about the last time you were here won't get you food assistance quicker. Actually, you won't get any at all. Can no one read the "EMERGENCY FOOD PANTRY ONLY" sign? That means you every-six-month users have to go hit up the rest of the pantries in town. What? You already used them all and you have no food in the house? Well I guess you shouldn't have spent everything that's not food stamps on cigarettes and scratch tickets. And stop having kids, for the love of god.

No, Tom, I don't want to talk politics with you. I don't want to plot to make my Republican mother freak out. I have to live with her. I don't want to hear about your awesome sound system, I don't want to borrow your DVDs, I don't want to debate the Stones vs. the Beatles. I want you to leave my office.

No, creepy guys from the soup kitchen, I don't want to talk to you. At all. Please get out of my office. Please don't hit on me while I'm in line for lunch. Just stop it.


......*breathe*


Okay. I feel better now.


Dear reasonable people in actual need,
Sorry about all those assholes who make me snappy and suspicious. I like you. I really do.

Love,
your friendly Salvation Army secretary.