Sometimes I start shaking.

My hands shake a lot these days, almost every time I hold something out to someone (especially held between my fingers, trying for elegant but ending up silly, like a girl playing with her mommy's pearls) trembling in a way that I can't even stop when I focus on them. How I manage to write sometimes is a mystery when coffee cups and blunts and pencils all are as unsteady as the hand that grips them.

I don't mean my hands are shaking, though. Sometimes I get a little lost in something, words or a song or my own head, and then there are things going on and I can't keep up and-- I shake. My jaw chatters, or my whole arms tremble, my vision goes a little blurry, I need to squeeze my eyes shut and breathe except my breath comes shaky too.

It really doesn't happen all that often. But I was listening to the Hush Sound and writing "Greta, F, 4, scarf + gloves, Elmo doll" on a Christmas angel ticket, and the phone would not stop ringing and people wouldn't stop talking and my father disapproves and my mother yells and

Well. I hate it when I start shaking at work. It's worrying.

Thanksgiving. Most people like it. I don't, really. It's all work and familial tension and leftovers from the Salvation Army for the family dinner later on. And for some reason, the mashed potatoes always taste vaguely of cigarettes. It's hectic and generally unpleasant, at least the leadup is. And my office is fucking freezing because people won't leave my office door closed.

*whine, bitch, moan.*

I'm actually not feeling too bad, I just want to... complain or talk or something. There's no one on AIM to blather to.