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I celebrate Christmas, in a loose and nonreligious kind of way. I hate Christmas carols, I think most decorations are tacky (though I do like a tree decked out in white lights), and people who insist on saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "happy holidays" make me want to punch them.

I like Christmas food. I like coming up with ideas for gifts for my friends. I like getting things. If I could turn Christmas into a event where you invite your friends over for a potluck dinner and exchange gifts, that would suit me just fine.

Actually, I do celebrate two other holidays in December: Crunkmas and Chronicah. Crunkmas mostly involves getting drunk with people you like. Chronicah involves getting high as fuck with people you like and also exchanging gifts. I came up with Chronicah in... 2006, I think? I was the Chronicah Fairy and stole gifts for all of the like twenty people who showed up. It was beyond epic.

Anyways, my December holidays > your December holidays. Even if I can't celebrate them any more. I might throw an impromptu Chronicah celebration with a few people before finals are over.... I mean, I have all this weed and so many people to smoke it with.

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$50 worth of loose tea.

Teatime is going to be epic next semester.

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This is an ironic question given the events of two weeks ago... the person I least wanted to find my journal found it and read it and I still don't know how much of it he read or how long he was reading it for.

But that all turned out all right in the end.

I'm pretty sure my father has read my LJ at some point, but he's never directly brought it up with me. He did say something on Facebook lately about how I share so little of my real self with him, so maybe he has read it or does read it, but.... well, I have a feeling that the way he treats me might change if he read some of it. Not so much lately though.

And, you know, there are some things I don't want any random asshole who stumbles across my journal to see, and that's what I have filters for.

But for the most part... if you know of me anywhere on the internet and you have half a brain and a decent amount of curiosity, it's not hard to find my LJ. It's the first thing Google returns if you search "speccygeekgrrl".

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I'm just going co copy-paste my post from this day on 2002, because I didn't make a post in 2001.


When I found out about the crashes, it was at the very end of third period. English class was just finishing. Mrs. Wagner was called out of the room by another teacher. I think I was arguing with Adam about something.

She came back in and announced that two planes had been flown into the Twin Towers and a bomb had gone off at the Pentagon. No one really said anything for a few moments. I remember weakly saying "Okay, what's the punchline?" The bell rang and everyone dispersed. My next class was math and no one was paying attention to numbers. Finally Mr. Armstrong let us turn on the TV. I saw the second tower collapse.

I cried during gym because I was afraid for my friends down in Suffern. I was scared that they might have had family working there, or visiting, or god forbid, been on a field trip or something...

My parents had left that morning to go to a Continuing Education class in Springfield. By the time I got home, so had they. I wasn't allowed to talk about it or watch the news around my sisters. I went into my room and pretty much glued myself to the news stations out of some mixture of absolute horror and morbid curiosity. Julia and Rachael came in and watched for a few minutes. They didn't listen when I told them to leave, because they said they'd heard about it at school.

I went online and talked to some people who were on. I remember that we were all so scared. This wasn't like anything we'd ever experienced before, even if most of us lived nowhere near the crash areas. The United States was being attacked- that wasn't an idea that fit very well into our heads. That wasn't supposed to happen. We were the good country, right? We helped out the little countries, we were friends with other good countries. We just didn't know what the hell was happening.

One of the girls had gone to school a few blocks from the towers. She said they'd been under lockdown.

I cried a lot that day and the days after that.



My dad went down to Ground Zero twice and it fucked him up. It gave him PTSD, people are saying that the stuff in the air down there caused his autoimmune disorders, and it triggered his depression like nothing I've seen before or since. Him getting fucked up fucked our family up a little bit. Nothing as bad as my parents getting divorced or anything, but he got really strict and overbearing. And he didn't have an option about going, the Salvation Army told him he had to go. So it's their fault he got fucked up, and now they just dropped him like they're not responsible for what happened. Fuck all of them.

Anyway... I'm just avoiding Facebook today because I've already seen one asshole post a picture of the towers with smoke streaming out of them. We all know what happened today, jackass, you don't need to show us again. And I can't trust the rest of the people I'm friends with to not be assholes, so... just no Facebook.

Which means I should focus on my homework, I have three reading responses for Environmental Sustainabilty, have to watch a movie and read a book AND write a paper for Gender Power Lit & Film, and have to read two chapters for Biopsych. Oh, and I have to write a poem by Tuesday noon. I just don't have enough time to do all my homework and do all the thesis work I'm supposed to be doing and do all the clubs I want to do... but I would rather drop a class than drop any clubs. That's probably bad, isn't it?

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Fuck no. That's basically asking me "would you give up all contact with your friends for the rest of your life?" Fuck. No. Maybe for a billion dollars, but not for ten million.

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IRON MAN IRON MAN IRON MAN IRON MAN

I mean I like pretty much all of the Marvel movies I've seen (except for X3, I didn't really like that one), but I really super love Tony Stark. Which is partly because of RDJ, I'm not going to lie, but also because I like really flawed superheroes better than perfectly good ones. They're more interesting to me. And nobody can argue that Tony isn't deeply flawed. Also I really like the supporting characters in Iron Man. My love for Pepper Potts is vast, and I like Rhodey as portrayed by both actors.

That said, I have very much enjoyed all the Marvel movies I've seen this year. Thor was great, X-Men: First Class was AMAZING, and Captain America was terrific. I am SO looking forward to The Avengers, I can't even explain. I just. Really really really want to see Tony and Steve Rogers interact. SO MUCH.

Least favorite: Green Lantern. That was the single most disappointing movie I've seen this year, and I saw Bad Teacher. In general I am much less impressed by DC movies than Marvel movies with the exception of Spider-Man and the rebooted Batman. Nolan's done incredible things with Batman but it's so GRIM, I'm not really big on things that are depressing. And I don't know what I think about rebooting Spider-Man already, I mean, the first Spider-Man movie isn't even a decade old yet.

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We need to stop giving any attention to the Tea Party. They're a bunch of whiny children that keep getting their way and holding the rest of the country hostage to their unrealistic and frankly harmful demands.

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK, YOU TEABAG MOTHERFUCKERS.

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A cat and an owl. Because that would be badass.

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Dr. Leonard McCoy. But not movie Bones, original series Bones. Because I've identified with Bones for over a decade, he basically does what I want to do with my life, which is help people and be sarcastic and compassionate. If not Bones, then the Holodoc, because once I had a dream about being a hologram and it was pretty awesome and yeah, I do believe that he's a person as much as a program, I have no problem with calling AIs people, Data is clearly a person, the Holodoc didn't really start out as a person but he definitely became one.

And yes, the doctors are almost always my favorites, except in Next Generation. Although Beverly's okay, she's just not my favorite. Q is my favorite from TNG. It would also be cool to be Q.

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The Mystery.

What do you mean "if you were a superhero"? I've been a superhero since 2006.

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I got high and watched movies.

or

I got laid, yay for sex.

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Actually, Julia and I were just talking about this last night, and I don't know if my opinion is an uncommon one or what... but the more serious I am about someone, the more likely I would be to forgive them for cheating on me once. If it's a relationship I don't care too much about, I would end it after finding out I've been cheated on once... if it's the person I think I want to marry, I would not be okay with them cheating on me more than once with the same person, or more than once every couple of years, but if they fuck up once I'm not going to throw a good relationship away for the sake of some ideal of monogamy I'm not even sure I believe in.

But, you know, there's always threesomes. :D

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As much as I occasionally complain about them, I do love all of my siblings dearly. I certainly wouldn't choose to lose any of them.

In fact, I was supposed to have an older brother, but my mother had a very late-term miscarriage. So if I had to choose, I would have Jeff, Dennis, Julia, and Rachael.

I wonder a lot about how my life would be different if Jeff had lived-- whether I would have been born at all, even. I've gotten a lot of alternate universe stories written from his perspective, actually, and on days when I really don't like myself I sit around and wonder what his life would have been like if he'd been around and not me.

I just found out that Dennis isn't coming home for Thanksgiving, while I'm on the topic of my siblings. I'm really sad about this; I like my brother a lot and holidays just aren't the same when he's not there.


I'm almost done getting ready for Semiformal. My eye makeup looks as iffy as it always does when I do it myself, I really fail at being a girl when it comes to anything to do with makeup at all. The dress still looks good on me, though. All I have to do is paint my nails and put on my shoes and hat and I'll be ready to walk out the door.

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It would always be autumn. I would have one or maybe two trees and they'd always be red and orange. The air would perpetually have that crisp woodsmoke smell, the sky would usually be perfect blue with contrails left by nonexistent airplanes, unless it's raining, and I would have a fox or a cat but not a sheep. I would have an iris instead of a rose, and I don't care that it's not seasonally appropriate.

Also the entire planet would have wifi. What? Small planet.

There would be a little house with a library and a daybed instead of a bedroom, and a bathtub big enough to completely submerge in, and a basement because I like basements.

And if anybody I didn't like tried to come to my planet, I would shoot them down with fucking lasers, because every good home base needs lasers.

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My bookshelf is severely limited at college. I own a good six shelves packed full of books, but I only have one shelf of them now, and part of that shelf is DVDs.



DVDs: ( there's a lot of them )

Books: ( not as many of these )

This doesn't count my shelf of textbooks and to-read books, and it is missing my copies of If Not, Winter and Watchmen which are being loaned out at the moment.

And conclusions? I guess people would conclude that I have a fairly broad range of movie interests, I love RDJ and I like sci-fi, I dig gay poets and authors, I like fantasy that has some connection with the real world, and I like Sherlock Holmes. And all of those conclusions would be true.

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I've got two: legalizing gay marriage on the federal level, and legalizing marijuana and establishing a reasonable tax on it. (Actually I have a whole lot of changes I'd make to drug policy... but that's not the question.)

I am briefly taking a break from my homework (I know, I know) because I just finished the Mass Media reading and now I'm getting into the long haul on Media and Power. Thank you so much, everyone who's provided me with links, it's thanks to you I won't outright fail this assignment.

Now, whether I get any sleep tonight is questionable-- I'm sure I could try to stay awake until 3pm tomorrow, but I'd rather not have to try. I just... am close enough to panicking still that I would like to take a Xanax, but I know if I do, I'll fall asleep, and I can't afford that. So it's full speed ahead set slightly above panic level, damn the torpedoes, etc, and if I actually pull this off then I am celebrating out in the woods and maybe I'll go dip my feet in the lake since it's supposed to almost hit 80 tomorrow.

It is really hard to fight my procrastinatory tendencies sometimes. Like right now... I just want to clean my room. BAD DANI. NO BISCUIT.

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The Heart of Gold, of course. If I can't have a TARDIS that's the next best thing. My life is already improbable enough that infinite improbability won't seem that weird.


It is BALLS HOT out here. 91 degrees and humid. I'm hiding out in the relative cool of my bedroom with all the shades drawn and the fan on high... it's not much better, but at least I'm not in the dining hall, where it's about ten degrees hotter. I'm considering skipping lunch just so I don't have to go there.

I have a lot of reading to do tonight. Four chapters for Media and Power, plus an episode of Star Trek TNG to watch, and one article for Mass Media. Plus I have to wake up early to go see Chris Richardson, since he had to cancel my appointment on Monday and his entire schedule was taken up by other people before I got a chance to stop by his office and reschedule.

I'm thinking about taking an hour and going down to swim in the lake after Logic, though... oh no wait I can't do that, my swimsuit is at the bottom of my laundry basket. DAMN IT. Tomorrow, then. I'll do my laundry tonight in between reading and RPing and maybe watching True Blood if I can get around to it.

Blah. I can't wait for autumn to get here, this weather is some kind of bullshit. I don't do well in the heat. :(

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Considering I'm mildly flexible but have a complete lack of coordination, can't support my body weight on my arms, and can neither juggle nor ride a unicycle nor any type of animal, I'm pretty sure the only job I'm qualified for is clown. And not a very amusing clown, either.

But if we're talking in fantasy-land, I'd totally want to do one of those Cirque du Soleil acts doing acrobatic tricks while swinging from ribbons. That looks cool as hell. But in general I would want to be anything in Cirque du Soleil because that shit is bananas. Seeing Alegria last year with Julia was one of the most awesome things I've ever done in my life.

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Jesus.

Because the way the world is going, we could use a fair few miracles. Maybe he'd upgrade water-to-wine to oil-to-seawater, and feed millions instead of a mere five thousand if he had more to start with than a few fish and loaves of bread.

And while he's around he can clarify all the pesky issues that have cropped up since he told us how to live two thousand years ago. Like... I can't believe he'd actually have a problem with gay people, maybe he could go have a chat with Fred Phelps and tell him to stop using his name to spread hate around? Maybe come up with some new parables that make more sense to modern people?


Ugh, I should have been asleep three hours ago. Day one of my sleep-right plan: fucked.

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There is only one possible answer to this question:

I would be known as The Mystery.