Tonight, I had... three? Four. Four crying fits. o_o; One on the phone with my mom, one immediately after getting off the phone, and two between calls. Not because of her, but because I feel so bad for fucking up my family by letting my dad stay mad at me. If I just apologize, everything can go back to normal, but I don't think I should have to apologize...

*sigh*

Smoked more tonight than at all in recent memory. Thrice in one night. Talked to my mom, went and got my work schedule, did Wal-mart.

What else today. Got Sean through the first worst day; there will be worse ones soon, but this one was hard enough on me, I'm an emotional train wreck. All self-loathing. In the morning, in the evening, now... Tried to finish up something with another character, but that's probably not going to happen now. Tonight at least.

I can't make any decisions. I can't decide a single freaking thing without someone getting upset, without something going wrong, without letting someone down. I give the hell up. Everyone else make decisions, I'm not even trying to run a three-person drama anymore, I'm not fit to be a co-mod, I suck at all forms of life including online ones. I'm just going to play by everyone else's goddamn rules from now on.

I need a freaking advil or something. :/