Hello, I'm not Tina Fey... and here's the news.


~~~Politics & World News~~~

BEST. STUDENT BODY. EVER. Hundreds of kids at Omaha Central High Schooldrove away the Westboro Bastard Church protestors with counterprotesting-- chanting, waving their own signs, and throwing school lunch at them. THEY THREW HAMBURGERS AT THE PHELPSES, YOU GUYS. And bottles of lemonade and milk. I wish I had been there to take a shot at one of them. (Yes, I know I'm an asshole and two wrongs don't make a right, but be honest, you'd love to pitch something at Fred's head if you got the chance.) Good on these kids!

Farmers in Afghanistan are being encouraged to grow pomegranates instead of poppies. I wholeheartedly support this switchover! Pomegranates rock, heroin sucks, end of story. xD Also, apparently Afghan poms are really delicious? Let's get some over here, I'm willing to taste-test, you know, for the good of mankind and the Afghan economy...

Buddha Boy returned to the jungle after less than two weeks back among people. I don't blame him; I'd retreat back into permanent meditation and consideration of Nirvana if I could, too. The world FTL, escaping the cycle of reincarnation FTW?

Iran could have enough nuclear fuel to make one bomb, or power a couple of plants, whichever... maybe if they got some support using the stuff to build the plants to power the country, they would be less angry and likely to use it for bombs? Or is that totally naive of me? Yeah, I'm probably just naive. No one tap me for Secretary of State if you become president, okay?

Every state in the nation has safe-haven laws. A safe haven law is one that allows a person to leave a baby at a hospital without repercussions; they're designed to reduce infanticide and infant abandonment in unsafe places. Nebraska law just had to change their law from saying "child" to "infant under 30 days", because parents were coming from other states to leave their older children, sometimes in their teens, in Nebraska hospitals. WHAT THE FUCK. That is so messed up that people could do that... It's one thing to not be able to handle a newborn, but only six of the thirty-five children left have been UNDER THE AGE OF TEN. SIX. OUT OF THIRTY FIVE. And not one of those 35 was an infant. PEOPLE FAIL.

Obama's careful background checks could be scaring away qualified people. Oh come on, CNN, you know you're just whining because four years without a political scandal would be bad for ratings.

This is why I want to punch right-wingers complaining about their First Amendment rights being abused. A comedian and activist in Myanmar was sentenced to 45 years in prison for criticizing the government's response to a cyclone earlier this year. See, I'm not about war, but if we have to go into a country and kill their leader? We should make it one like this, not Iraq. ...too late now, but the point stands.

Of course, you have to put the angry violent military men to good use... This guy went from plans to drop snakes on protesters, to teaching public fitness in marketplaces. "I have prepared one dance. It's called the 'throwing-a-hand-grenade' dance," he said. May I also suggest the "running for cover" in place jogging, the "crawling through enemy lines" pilates, and the "spending the rest of my life in military prison for war crimes" yoga routine?

Candace Gingrich wrote a letter to her brother Newt. Memorable for the last line: "Stop being a hater, big bro." xD

What's in store for the Republican Party? Hopefully, a coup from Ron Paul. Make the religious right-wingers start their own party and take over the reins, you libertarian nut, you! What would the religious party call themselves, anyway? Evangelicals is too obvious, I'm at a loss for another one... but their party symbol could be the sheep! (I mean, the Lamb... no I definitely mean sheep.)

Or, hey, we could kill it with fire kindness. Apparently, universal health care would be the bale that breaks the elephant's back, and good riddance. Because honestly, who's going to vote against the party that's actually taking care of them for a change? The GOP will fight for its life... at the cost of people's lives? Classy!

This is kind of scary: out of 2000+ respondents, over over half of them failed a simple civics quiz. Take it and tell me how you did! I got 84.85%-- 28 out of 33 right. That puts me 7 points above the monthly average, and 30 points over the college seniors surveyed... but I'm going to bet the online average went up because people on the internet will take it to prove they know it. xD

This isn't exactly politics, but it is an international study, so I'm putting it here. There is some sort of link between religion and niceness, and athiest societies seem to be doing better than religious ones. Higher incidence of athiesm correlates to lower incidence of murder, suicide, abortion, and teen pregnancy. So, uh... how's that Christian nation idea looking now? Not so great, right? Yeah?

Not helping at all: 22 NYC churches are being ordered to close their homeless shelters because they're not open 5 days a week. ...yes, so let's remove them as sources of aid for the days they are open. Genius plan! ...seriously, who the fuck came up with this idea? It's like they're actively trying to be douchebags... >>

~~~Entertainment & Style~~~

A short explanation of why Tim Kring has no idea what he's talking about. Because DVR is actually the PERFECT way to watch serialized shows. Many a week have I sat shrieking at my TV, wishing I could rewatch an episode on a screen bigger than my computer monitor. But he's a dipshit, and I guess stations refuse to take into account how popular shows like Heroes are for online watching (VERY), so... *sigh*

The top 100 movies made from books. Some of these, I totally agree with. Some I would have rated higher (Stardust, L.A. Confidential, Dr. Stangelove, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang), some lower, but it's a good solid list on the most part. Tell me which ones you'd put higher or lower!

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson named their baby boy Bronx Mowgli. WHY? Seriously, they did not think this one through... for one, Bronx Wentz sounds way too harsh and choppy for a name.... and they named their kid after a fucking borough. If they were going to give him a bizarre name, they could at least have put Mowgli first...

My Simpson-Wentz Baby Name is Staten Island Scrooge McDuck.
Take The Simpson-Wentz Baby Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

This review of Twilight pretty much sums up my exact thoughts on the movie. Everything about it was okay... except the central plot. All the supporting characters were amusing. The scenery was really pretty. But Edward and Bella? SUCKED HARDCORE. And not even in the sexy vampire way, which is totally unsexy in Twilight, btw. (You can tell Meyer is a Mormon because usually the act of biting is a sex thing, but in her world it's all OMG PAIN NOOOO.)

I read the book Kamikaze Girls and enjoyed it immensely. I had no idea that it was so based in fact, or that women older than, say, 25, engaged in the practice of Rococo-style dresses and fashion. Shit, I wish I had money to blow on looking like royalty every day. When your parents buy your food so you have more money for princess dresses, and you're 36 years old... you need help, bbdoll. Blowing $8000 a month on clothes... *shakes head*

The economy's tough on everyone... even prostitutes. When the legal brothels in Nevada start cutting prices, you KNOW there's a recession on.

The return of the variety show... I'm not sure what it signifies, that the two non-cable shows are both hosted by lesbians? And the other one by Stephen Colbert? I just know that they will probably be excellent lulz, and I am ALWAYS up for excellent lulz. At least if part of it sucks, there are other parts that might not, right?

Now, this is the sort of style you need if your family is difficult to survive on Thanksgiving... the Thanksgiving Martini! I would totally drink this ALL THE TIME, because I love pomegranate and cranberries. ♥ No alcohol in this house, though... not allowed. D:

Here's a Newsweek piece on Rachel Maddow. The title is just prime for jokes... "Rachel Maddow Comes Out on Top"? Hell, she can top me any day she wants to. Mmm, Rachel. :Q She's way too smart and savvy and just plain awesome to not be one of my hugest crushes right now. ♥

~~~Science, Nature and Geekery~~~

A crowbar and Half-Life strategy guide were safely delivered to CERN, along with a headcrab hat for training purposes. Now, when the Large Hadron Collider opens up a dimensional tear, the real-life counterpart of Gordon Freeman can keep the world from being overrun. \o/

Bringing back the topic of nuclear material, an artist wants to stick some big-ass crystals into Yucca Mountain and use the waste dump to make pretty lights. Okay, he says it's to "make new universes," but really: pretty lights! I completely misunderstand the principles of quantum theory, but I guess these things are supposed to create offshoot universes by observing particles? I don't know, if anyone is smart enough to grasp this AND dumb it down for me, go for it. :D

I think I may have posted about this a few months ago, but I'm not sure... Scientists have found a way to extend the life span of mice by 50%, and who knows how effective the treatment could be on humans? The only problem is that telomorase, the enzyme used in the magical cure, can cause cancer... so, uh, no cure for cancer yet.

maggiesox, DO NOT CLICK THIS. Giant rats are being used in Africa to sniff out land mines... and tuberculosis. That is BADASS. Rodents of Unusual Size came out of the Fire Swamp to do good in the world! \o/ And they're super at clearing land mines because they are sensitive enough to smell them, light enough to not set them off, and can be trained at about a tenth of the cost of a bomb-sniffing dog's training.

Less happy animal news: Petland gets their puppies from puppy mills. I can't even express my revulsion for the people who run puppy mills. I believe that people who can treat animals so cruelly don't have souls. And I was just in a Petland YESTERDAY, and they had two puppies in the front window... now, my stomach is turning just thinking about them. D: Don't let anyone you know buy a Petland puppy. Go get one from an animal shelter, please!

15 amazingly non-photoshopped images. They're all pretty awesome, but #1 is the best... then again, I'm massively entertained by cocks, and you'd be amazed where they can show up. xD

10 gadgets that will trip you out without drugs. I TOTALLY want an aurora simulator! It would be way easier than finding a dark field and freezing my ass off on random nights. and sharing the sky with a guy I like who totally blows me off every time I tell him so, fuck that Also, the lollipop that projects images into your mind is brilliant!

Gay marriage: the database engineering perspective. This is how to fix the bureaucratic mess that would come from allowing gay marriage: namely, that right now there are spots for "husband" and "wife" in paperwork now. Hilarious but also very interesting! (and incredibly nerdy!)



...holy moly, that was a long, long post. I need a nap now. xD