My weird mood persists!

HEY PEOPLE. INTERACT WITH ME. Give me a picture and I'll make you a wallpaper or an icon or something. Or give me a line or, I don't know, a mood, and I'll upload you some music!

Distract me from my failure to write, okay? Please? :D?

Before I go to bed... omgimnaked asked me to make a Tony Stark wallpaper, so I did. I couldn't pick the text, so I made two.

"To believe in the heroic makes heroes."

"A hero is a man who is afraid to run away."

p.s. it is impossible to find anything besides those two pictures in decent quality showing off the arc reactor, when will the DVD be out for HQ caps? ...what do you mean, the movie just came out 11 days ago?

Last night was bad. Well, after I tried to go to bed, it got bad. First I started worrying, and then when I was all worked up and frustrated, I started itching. That awful, skin-too-tight crawl feeling I get when I'm too exhausted. I didn't fall asleep for two hours at least.

Then I had a repeat dream. Like my brain is too busy to produce something new. I don't want my dreams to rerun, damn it.

Tomorrow it is supposed to reach 80 degrees. It's only 70 out now and I don't know if I can survive 10 more degrees.

There is so much crap to do, and so much of me that isn't even supposed to be here today doesn't care about any of it. -_-


....and then I went out to bring the trash back, and when I came back to the front the Salvation Army SUV pulled up outside my house and it felt like someone suckerpunched me. The new captain lady got out. First time I've seen her since she moved here last June. I'm just waiting for her to leave now. I put out my cigarette, as if anyone driving that car now would know who I was or care that I was smoking.

Ugh.

It's been... almost two weeks now, I want to say? that I haven't had my meds.

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by
If you smile,
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear
May be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.


If anyone has some motivation they're not using, send it my way.

There was a big clump of bleeding heart flowers next to my bus stop for elementary school. Every spring day I'd stand at the corner with my little nose in a book and tell my brother not to pick them, because they were pretty and they should be pretty for everyone.

Walking back from the laundromat, I saw a spray of bleeding hearts at the base of a telephone pole. I can't remember the last time I saw them, I know it's been more recently than that, but for a minute I felt like a kid on the corner of Worcester and Ashley again.

Some of my things are stained; I came back to get a few more clothes and the stain remover, but I stopped to make this post and Butcher hopped into the box I used to carry clothes. If he wants to be laundry, I'll put him through the wash. He can come out smelling like Bounty sheets and feline indignation.

Flowers and laundry. Carrying back three loads, glad for the sun having set because the heat was finally starting to ebb and because I was putting off enough heat to dry another load entire from the top of my head, I crossed paths with a dark-haired boy carrying a spray of little white flowers in one hand. He asked if I needed help, and I turned him down with a thank-you, regretting it as soon as he walked past.

A block down the street, I had to put down the box and catch my breath, and right in front of where I'd set it lay a cast-off white flower.

Anyhow, two hours and fifteen bucks from where I started, I now have... oh, about half of my clothes clean. It's really appalling how I let them build up this time. And I found to my dismay that a fairly-new pair of khakis has a burn, not an orange stain like I'd thought, because it wouldn't come out after going through the wash again. Daaaaaaaaamn.

I'm so out of breath, and my head and fingertips are throbbing and tingling, but tonight I sleep in fresh-laundered jammies. Fair trade.