I just peeked over my father's shoulder while I was talking to him in his office. I don't know who he was IMing, but he said "I wish I was anywhere else right now."

Him and every other member of my family, apparently.

I spent my morning laying toys out in order of gender- and age-appropriateness (as dictated by the binary system that rules our culture, but I really hope most boys have better taste than to play with Bratz dolls. at least go for the original Barbie) and doing the same to clothing. What a freakin' waste of plastic bags. -_-

And then just as I finish the last bit of organization (into separate bags: knit hats, machine-made hats, knit mittens, machine-made gloves, knit scarves, machine-made scarves, and anything that came in a set), my mother walks in and says "Good job, but that was pointless, I told your father I wanted everything left as it was." And then she went off about how she can't stand him and she doesn't know why she's still married to him, and I almost cried.

After that is when I saw my dad's IM.

My family needs help. More in December than any other month. Right now I feel like I'm the only one who's holding on to my emotions, and that's fucking scary.


I really just want to curl up into a ball and scream for a little while, but that would be bad form for the only sane member of my family. Unless Rachael is actually more sane... which is also a scary proposition, considering she's the youngest and the only one who can escape to a friend's house at a moment's notice.

Somebody do something to cheer me up, please. Please.



...and now I think Mom is having a breakdown. The last straw was somewhere between Julia calling her a cunt and having a load of wet cardboard stacked into the back of her minivan.

I wish there was a single fucking thing I could do to make things easier for her. My mother is too good of a person to have all this shit stacked on her shoulders.

Today is day 8 of the happiness meme for me.

I don't have anything happy to post right now, though.

I feel ignored and kind of desperate for attention, I feel exhausted even though I got plenty of sleep, I feel inadequate because I can't help anyone in my family.

Yuletide is due in three days and I am dangerously close to a dishonorable default.

I hate winter. I hate the snow. But most of all I hate how fucking miserable and grey it is all the fucking time.

Christmas is in a week and I still haven't got any presents for my family. I still haven't even mailed all my cards yet.

I'll probably post something happy later. Hopefully. Maybe.

I guess this qualifies:



It made me smile, at least.

Also making me happy: apparently the Sylar/Elle story I wrote is so good that most of the people who left feedback said they adopted it into their personal canon. I can has fanon influence? That's kind of cool.


Tomorrow is the shopping day. My dad needs to get shirts for himself, so I get an hour to do my thing while he does that. I said I know what I'm getting everyone, but that's a lie. I only really know for my dad. It's not that hard to improvise though. Something duck-covered for Rachael, some special hand moisturizer stuff for my mom. I have no idea on Julia. Or Dennis, for that matter.

I really, really want to go to Plattsburgh soon. I miss everyone so much.

You Are Hot Chocolate

Your holiday personality is generous. The holidays are your favorite time to practice the art of giving. You enjoy picking out presents, sharing treats, and making everyone's day a little brighter. And you don't even notice if you don't get anything in return.

Phhht, hot chocolate is not a holiday drink. It is an anytime drink.

Okay, I have an actual honest-to-god thing that made me happy today! It is this fanvid!

Supernatural: Sam + Dean : I'm Yours (Jason Mraz)

THIS IS SO WONDERFUL. It is basically a song full of the boys smiling and laughing and being adorable, and it immediately made me feel better just watching it once. This vid? Is my new happy place. I have to put it on my iPod so I can take it everywhere with me. it's that amazingly good.


I am saying "fuck it" to writing for the rest of the night. It makes me unhappy to do right now, so I will not do it. I have other things to do, namely, making pretty things for people I like. (OH HEI, WHEN YOU GET YOUR CARDS FROM ME, PLZ TO LET ME KNOW.)

Serious question for the political folks:

How does one respond when a person says "Sure, they lied about WMDs, but at least we got rid of a horrible dictator who was killing his own people!"

How about "Yeah, because the international media never lies"?

*slams head into brick wall, repeatedly* <---- this is more productive than trying to talk to my parents about why there is no reason to praise Bush at all.


Also, my mom called Rachel Maddow "that lesbian news lady" because "she looks really butch."


*watches that vid 91085948173891749 more times*