( rockin' geekgrrl, tweet tweet tweet )

LoudTwitter is looooud

My head aches, my back aches, I am just one big achy thing today. :/

I woke up at 7, ridiculously early, but for the first time I didn't feel even the least bit sleepy in Abnormal Psych! I'm not going to make a habit of it, though. I only woke up that early because my dreams kicked me out.

I got my phys ed midterm taken care of, after reading the book really quickly while I had lunch. I didn't even need to read the damn thing, I could have gotten away with just skimming the summary questions at the beginning and end of each chapter. Oh well. Now I feel even worse about my body, which I'm pretty sure wasn't the point.

My big thing for the rest of the day is finishing up my fanmix for Star Trek Big Bang so I can turn that in, at least as a draft. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about art for it. Hell, I'm not even sure what I have is any good.

I really hope I stop sucking at everything before Yuletide assignments go out. I'd like to do at least one thing I can be proud of in the back half of 2009.

Seriously, what the hell is that, guys?

I'm probably going to get the Schrodinger's Cat shirt, but still: ARE YOU DOING IT ON PURPOSE OR DO YOU JUST COINCIDENTALLY SCREW WITH ME?

xD


My hands are freezing and it's time to make dinner. Hopefully doing the one will resolve the other.

the VIRTUAL {HUG} meme


Today in Abnormal Psych we were talking about treatments for depression, and how behavioral therapy isn't viewed in the best light but operant conditioning is actually pretty effective when used in tandem with other therapy, and.

I need someone to stick me in a Skinner box and program me to be happy, basically. If a pigeon can learn to stop doing something that results in misery, why am I not as smart as a pigeon? I WANT TO LEARN, OKAY. Really.

...I suppose actually seeing my therapist is one of those things I should really be doing, but talking to her just makes me feel like a liar for all the things I don't tell her. It's not helpful to say "oh, I have a total breakdown most nights around 11:30" if I seem fine when I'm telling her that. It would be better if she had constructive ideas for how I can feel less bad in the moment, instead of saying "hey, let's poke around your old traumas and see what you have unresolved?" Talking about my grandmother is not going to help me hate myself less tonight, thank you though.

I never thought I'd say this, but I need a therapist who is less of a hippie.


Twenty minutes until Fringe, and after that I'm calling it an early night, I think. If I go to bed before I hit the really down part of the night, I might even wake up feeling good tomorrow, and if I feel good then I can get things done. (and if I withhold the reward of Where the Wild Things Are until I do things, then I will get more things done. see? positive reinforcement.)

As much as I love Walter, I love him A BAZILLION TIMES MORE when he is a) on drugs or b) doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing.

Oh Fringe, tonight you made me laugh. And then cry. And I didn't get the coded word because the smoke screwed me up. But oh, show, I love you.

But: no new Fringe until November? Nooooo! D: It's because of baseball, isn't it? GODDAMN BASEBALL. >:(




"raspberry?" lawl.