For Science and Religion I had to read Living With Darwin by Philip Kitcher. We were only assigned the first four chapters of the five-chapter book, but I needed to finish it to count it for my resolution to read more books a month, so I read the last chapter today, and... I really wish any of my classmates had also read it, because I really want to have a discussion with someone about this. The last chapter was about why Christians attack Darwinism and all the inconsistencies in the New Testament and how a critical examination of religion in light of the enlightenment case, which questions millions of years of suffering under the assumption of a benevolent god, kind of pokes holes in fundamentalism of all stripes... but one of the things Kitcher said was that Americans lack the kind of social structures Europeans have for expressing their emotions in acceptable ways-- that instead of neighborhood pubs or piazzas, all we have are churches, so of course people turn to religion as the only valid form of seeking acceptance and comfort.

And that made me think... the implication is that finding someplace to express your negative emotions in a safe space and get reassurance in return can take the place of religion in the life of someone whose thinking is more secular, so... Kitcher is saying that I go to therapy instead of going to church?

I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I certainly feel better leaving therapy, the same way I feel better when one of my friends lets me rant to them, the same way I felt better after going in to talk to Chris every week last semester, the way I sometimes used to feel after leaving church. On the other hand, is this why I search for trancendental experiences by using drugs? Because I know I'm never going to have that trancendental experience through prayer and worship again, and I need something like that in my life periodically?

Is it really enough for me to be a secular humanist or do I need some sort of spirituality in my life? Isn't my resolve to be a good person just as well supported by Jesus' teachings and parables without believing in a virgin birth or a miraculous resurrection? Isn't it better for me to take my examples of how to live from a range of sources instead of one book I haven't believed since I was 14? What have I really learned about the universe and myself in the past eleven years, anyway?

....so yeah, that happened, and it irritates me that I can't just grab one of my friends and have a conversation about it when half of them were supposed to have read at least the first part of the book and none of them actually did. And the one I've actually had some sort of logical lead-in to this kind of conversation with is the one I really should by no means be spending time with alone, because every single time I'm alone with him my chest aches with how badly I want to get closer to him, and I'm just a pathetic creeper about him even if I hide it well.

sigh